Style: Lighthearted. Duration: 5min
Summary:  Knowing God’s word is vital for our Spiritual growth and welfare. But we should not approach it in a purely academic way if this means that we don’t truly take to heart the central message. Keywords: Quiz, Bible, Revelation, knowledge.
Actors: 3 M/F

Pompous quizmaster (Q)
Sebastian Proud – an arrogant contestant (P)
Martin Humble – an unassuming contestant (H)

Desk/table for Quizmaster. Black chair for contestant. Two chairs at side for contestants. Also require the means to produce the Mastermind beep sound.


(Scene: The set of the TV show Mastermind. Q is sitting at a desk/table, dressed in a suit. P and H are sitting to one side on chairs. P is dressed in a suit, H is dressed casually (but not scruffy). A black chair is centre stage, inclined towards Q.)

Q: Hello, and welcome to another edition of Religious Mastermind. May we have our first contender, please ?

[ P rises from seat . He has an arrogant, know-it-all look about him and swaggers across to the black chair. Takes his seat]

Q: Your name please?

P: (In a confident, challenging manner) Sebastian Proud.

Q: Your occupation?

P: Research fellow in theology.

Q: (Unreasonably fawning, which he remains throughout) So you must be quite an expert?

P: I like to think so, yes – I do have an excellent understanding of the Bible, but please do get on with it.

Q: Sorry, yes. Your specialist subject?

P: The revelation of Jesus Christ, as given to John.

Q: (Puzzled) You mean the book of Revelation?

P: (sighs) If you wish to adopt layman’s terms, yes.

Q: OK, Professor Proud, you have two minutes on the book of Revelation starting…now. What is the Greek word for revelation?

P: (Snappily) Apocalypsis.

Q: Correct. The term “Revelation of Jesus Christ” also appears where else in the New Testament?

P: Paul’s epistle to the Galatians, Chapter 1 verse 12

Q: (Impressed) Correct. How many beatitudes appear in Revelation?

P: Well, as you would expect with John, there are seven.

Q: Correct. Where does the last one of these appear?

P: Chapter 22, verse 14 – “Blessed are those who wash their robes”.

Q: More information than I needed, but correct.

P: Oh, do get on with it, and give me some difficult questions.

Q: In Chapter 1, verse 5, what titles are given to Jesus?

P: Three.

Q: No. I’m sorry, I needed the actual titles.

P: Well, that’s “faithful witness, firstborn from the dead, and ruler of the kings of the earth”.

Q: Quite right, but I have to take your first answer.

P: Oh how silly – I don’t know why I bother with such a tawdry television programme – I’ve got plenty of important church business to attend to, you know.

Q: I’m sure you have, sir, but I’m afraid we have to stick to the rules.

P: Well get on with it, will you, you silly little man.

Q: Er…right. In the 2nd century, Ignatius of Antioch also wrote to which three of the seven churches of Asia mentioned in Revelation?

P: Ephesus, Smyrna, and Philadelphia.

Q: Correct – very well done. What Greek measure is mentioned as a day’s wages after the release of the black horse?

P: A choinix – most probably around a litre, by the way.

Q: Thank you – yes, correct. What is the meaning of the Hebrew name Abaddon given to the angel of the abyss?

P: The destroyer, obviously.

Q; Correct. In Chapter 4, John …(beeper sounds)… I’ve started so I’ll finish – in Chapter 4, John describes the figure sitting on the central throne as having the appearance of what?

P: Jasper and Cornelian.

Q: Correct – and at the end of that round, Professor Proud, you have scored 8 points with no passes, and you certainly know your Bible.

P: Well, I should have got a lot more if you hadn’t wittered on all the time.

Q: Er, yes, sorry sir.

[P rises from chair and goes back to the seat at the side, huffing and puffing]

Q And our next contender, please.

[H rises from seat and makes way to black chair. He will remain calm, poised and measured throughout]

Q: (Now more confident and displaying intellectual snobbery) Your name ?

H: Martin Humble.

Q: Occupation ?

H: Hospital worker.

Q: And your specialist subject?

H: The Holy Bible.

Q: Well, quite a wide-ranging and ambitious subject there Mr Humble. (Under his breath) Nice of you to dress up…. Tut, some people! (To H) Very well, you have two minutes on the Holy Bible starting……now. Which books make up the Pentateuch?

H: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul with all your mind and with all your strength.

Q: (Confused) Er, no, the answer is Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy. Who is widely believed to be the author of these books?

H: Love your neighbour as yourself.

Q: Er, no. It’s Moses. Who was chosen to take Judas’ place as an apostle?

H: God is Love.

Q: No, it was Matthias. How old was Noah at the time of the flood?

H: God loves you.

Q: No – he was 600 years old. Who is the oldest person mentioned in the bible?

H: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul with all your mind and with all your strength.

Q: No- it was Methusaleh. Who were the sons of Noah?

H: Love your neighbour as yourself.

Q: (Getting impatient) No, Ham, Shem and Japheth. Who wrote down Paul’s letter to the

Romans at Paul’s dictation?

H: God is love.

Q: (Getting fed up) No it was Tertius. Which is the shortest of the psalms?

H: God loves you.

Q: I think you’ll find that that’s rather too short. It is in fact Psalm 117. Where else do Jesus’

words on the cross “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” appear?

H: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul with all your mind and with all your strength.

Q: No, the answer is in Psalm 22, verse 1. Oh, how I love contestants that really understand their subject !! What is the shortest book in the bible?

H: Love your neighbour as yourself.

Q: (Beginning to feel troubled). Er, no, it is John’s third epistle. Who was the husband of

Bathsheba, whose death was orchestrated by David ?

H: God is love.

Q: (still puzzled, but reflective) Er, no, it was Uriah the Hittite. In the gospel according to St Mark, what does Jesus say is the most important of the ten commandments?

H: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul with all your mind and with all your strength.

Q: ( Distracted, slowly) No…. er, yes ! I mean correct ! What is the most important message in the whole bible (beeper)……… and you may answer.

H: Do I really need to ?

Q: Er, no….not really….. Mr Humble, thank you.



© Ian Wishart 2007, all rights reserved. The script may not be reproduced, translated or copied in any medium, including books, CDs and on the Internet, without written permission of the author.
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