Characters:
PAT: Postman, with delivery bag, letters, luminous jacket, cheeky, enthusiastic, loves his job
POST MASTER (PM): Strict, assertive, has 4 pink invitations
Residents: JOHNNY (dog owner),SHIRLEY (has mother living with her), MAGGIE (Mum of child), TONY, DOG, CHILD
VOICE: infirm over-demanding bed-ridden mother (off stage)
PLANT in audience
(You can use two actors who can double for Johnny/Tony and Maggie/Shirley and Voice)
Setting: Four chairs with slots allowing letters to be posted through, set diagonally across the stage. Residents enter from R stage, unseen by PAT. Residents can’t see Pat either. Pat interacts with the audience to ask them what reaction each is having to the pink invitations (PIs)
Script
[PAT and PM enter]
PM: Now Pat. I need a word with you. I have heard that you have been listening at people’s doors after you have put the post through their letter boxes.
PAT: Really? Are you sure it was me?
PM: Yes. You are not allowed to be nosy. It’s against the rules.
PAT: But I love hearing people’s reactions to the letters they get.
PM: That may be the case, but people don’t like to be snooped on.
PAT: Sorry. I will try not to do it again [he grins cheekily at the audience]
PM: OK, off you go. Take your letters. These pink invitations have to go in with them. One to each house.[PM hands 4 to Pat] Off you go, and be a good Postman…Pat.
PAT: [He puts the letters and invitations in his bag. Then shows the PI to the audience excitedly] I can’t wait to post these. Since I am not allowed to listen at the doors, will you help me by telling me what the people do when they get the invitation? {yes}Thank you [PAT approaches first chair/letter box and takes a few letters out and a PI. He looks at the name] These letters are for …Johnny.
HOUSE 1
[DOG barks madly offstage as PAT approaches].
JOHNNY: [Offstage sternly] Shep! Shep be quiet. It’s only the postman [PAT tentatively posts letters and PI. He then comes forward to the audience and waits.]
DOG: [enters barking and scrabbles with the post he picks it up in his mouth ]
JOHNNY: [Enters and DOG jumps up at him] Down Shep! Down boy! Give me the letters.
[DOG gives letters to JOHNNY who picks out the PI and looks at it] What’s this? [interested] An invitation from God? I don’t really understand that.
[DOG snatches PI out of his hand and chews it up]
JOHNNY: Shep, you naughty dog! Oh, well. Never mind. Easy come, easy go. [JOHNNY exits looking at other letters]
PAT: [To audience] What happened? Did he read the pink invitation? {response from audience } Oh no? The dog snatched it away? Do you think Johnny can still read it? {No, the dog ate it} Oh dear, what a shame. [looks sad] Let’s try the next house. I think Shirley lives here. [PAT posts letters at second house.]
HOUSE 2
SHIRLEY: [Enters and picks up post and looks at it] An invitation from God. How lovely. [Very joyful and excited. She continues to read it.] This is great!
VOICE [Offstage] Shirley! Shirley! Where’s my tea?
SHIRLEY: Coming Mother! [to audience] The meeting about God is next week. That sounds really interesting.
VOICE: Shirley! [A handbell rings frantically] Why are you taking so long?
SHIRLEY: [calls to Mother] I’ve got an invitation from God. I’m just reading it.
VOICE: Never mind that! What about my tea?
SHIRLEY: Just a minute! [pauses] Mother, I think I may go out next Wednesday evening. Is that OK?
VOICE: No, it most certainly is not. I need you. Never mind all this God business! Live in the real world will you…and where is my tea?
SHIRLEY: [looks sadly at PI, crumples it up and puts it in the bin] Maybe another time when there’s less trouble at home.
VOICE: [bell rings] Shirley!!!
SHIRLEY : Coming Mother! [She exits]
PAT: [To audience] What happened? Was she happy to get the invitation? {Yes} Great! Is she going to the meeting? {No}Why not? {Her Mother stopped her} Did she keep the invitation? {No, screwed it up and put it in the bin} Oh no! That’s really sad. I feel really upset. [starts to cry]
PLANT: Don’t give up Pat. Try the next house!
HOUSE 3
PAT: Yes, you’re right. [Sighs] If at first you don’t succeed…. Try and try again! [He posts letters through Maggie’s door]
MAGGIE: [Enters and picks up post] Post’s arrived!
CHILD: [Enters] Anything for me, Mum?
MAGGIE: Not today. There is this, though? [She gives CHILD the invitation]
CHILD: [Reading invitation] Invitation from God. Come to our meeting next week and find out how much God loves you. Mum this sounds really cool!
MAGGIE: Yes, dear. [She examines at each letter in turn] Oh no. The bill for the telephone.
CHILD: [Waving PI in front of MAGGIE] Mum, did you hear me?
MAGGIE: Yes, its an invitation from God… The gas bill!
CHILD: Mum!
MAGGIE: Yes, there’s a meeting next week, I heard…Electric bill.
CHILD: Can we go?
MAGGIE: Oh no! The credit card bill. [she opens it and is aghast at the amount] Six hundred pounds? Have I really spent that much?
CHILD: Mum, please let’s go to the meeting. It says we can discover how much God loves us.
MAGGIE: Sorry love. I’m going to have to work extra hours to pay these bills. We can’t go.
CHILD: But Mum!
MAGGIE: There’s too many other things to worry about. Here’s a letter from Aunty Annie, we have to fit in seeing her soon. And then there’s your music exam and… this week the car needs an inspection.
CHILD What shall I do with this then? [waves PI]
MAGGIE: I don’t know dear. Just put it in the recycle bin. Time for music practise.
CHILD: Mum! Do I have to? [they both exit]
PAT: [To audience] What happened? Any joy? Did Maggie want to go? {No, but child did} Is she/he coming then? {No} What did they do with the…? {put it in recycling} [Really discouraged, walks around sadly looking at the ground. To audience] Shall I try the last house or shall I give up? {try last one}
HOUSE 4
PAT: These letters are for Tony. [He posts them and waits near the door, listening]
TONY: [Enters and picks up letters. Sees PI and drops the rest of the letters] Wow! I have been waiting for one of these! An invitation from God… at last. [shouts] Yeah, I got one! I got one! [He jumps up and down with joy. PAT can hear and is getting excited, looks to the audience for confirmation of Tony’s positive reaction.]
[PAT Cant bear the suspense any longer and listens at the letterbox, as he hears Tony’s reaction, he runs around punching his fist in the air, grinning wildly]
TONY: This is good news. I am going make some more invitations just like this one and give them to all my friends and neighbours. [exits.]
PAT: [He listens at the door and hears nothing. To audience: ] What is he doing? {Copying} Wow. Maybe he needs some help [PAT knocks at the door]
TONY: [Offstage] Come in! [PAT enters house]
PAT: Hi there. It’s the postman.
TONY: [He steps onto the stage and beckons PAT] Come on through. I’m just doing some photocopying. You can come and help if you want. [Both exit. Short pause. They both enter with lots of PIs. They go out of the door]
PAT: Right, where shall we start?
TONY: Those houses? [He indicates them]
PAT: I’ve tried them already. They weren’t interested.
TONY : Let’s try them again. If at first you don’t succeed…..
PAT: …try and try again. [They quickly post them] Right. There’s loads here, how will we ever get rid of them?
TONY: [Looks around at audience, then at Pat and indicates with his head. To audience:] Would you like some? {Yes}[They hand out PIs to audience saying hello to people and smiling broadly] Here you are – an invitation from God. [They continue to hand them out] Hey, Pat?
PAT: Yes Tony?
TONY: What about the rest of your letters? Aren’t you going to finish your post round?
PAT: Of course. But I’ll do this first. This is God’s work. Coming to the meeting next week?
TONY: You try and stop me! [They exit]
……………………………….
© Copyright Pam Norman, all rights reserved. The script may not be reproduced, translated or copied in any medium, including books, CDs and on the Internet, without written permission of the author.
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