FAMILY SECRETS A Play in Three Acts By Nadine Laughlin Summary Sixteen-year-old Toni struggles with depression which her successful, self-reliant family refuses to…
FAMILY SECRETS
A Play in Three Acts
By Nadine Laughlin
Summary
Sixteen-year-old Toni struggles with depression which her successful, self-reliant family refuses to acknowledge. When she rejects everything she’s been taught, her mother, father, and older brother are forced to examine their own lives. A long-hidden secret surfaces. Will this drive the family apart?
Characters
Mother (Marjorie)
Father (John)
Toni, a sixteen-year-old girl
Tom, a college student
Singing Cowboy—A denizen of the streets
Bag Lady
Guy, a young man
Preacher
The actor playing the cowboy should be able to play the guitar and sing. Toni also sings two songs. First Players had original music for the songs. A cassette is available, or any company performing the play and using the songs could have new music written.
Setting
A middle-class home in a large city—the dining room and Toni’s bedroom; Guy’s apartment; a skid-row street; a church.
The action takes place over an eighteen-month period.
ACT 1
Scene 1 Family dinner
Scene 11 Toni’s bedroom
Scene 111 Toni’s bedroom next morning
Scene 1V Toni’s bedroom later the same day
Scene V Street scene
ACT 11 ONE YEAR LATER
Scene V1 Toni’s bedroom
Scene V11 Church meeting
Scene V111 Guy’s place
Scene 1X Family Home
ACT 111 SIX MONTHS LATER
Scene X Toni’s bedroom
Scene X1 Family get-together
Scene X11 Street Scene
OPTIONAL EPILOGUE
The Passion of the Downtown Eastside from the book of poetry Hundred Block Rock by Bud Osborn performed by permission of Arsenal Pulp Press.
ACT 1, SCENE ONE
AT THE DINNER TABLE
Tom: So you see, Dad, matrices don’t commute.
Father: Uh, huh.
Tom: In quantum math, a times b doesn’t equal b times a…it’s so beautiful and simple.
Toni: Simple.
Tom: I mean the truth and simplicity of the underlying ideas…when you understand them, of course…you see, it’s like a game of chess…
Toni: Hey, Einstein said God doesn’t play dice…does he play chess instead?
Tom: Even Einstein found quantum math incomprehensible.
Father: I’m in good company, then!
Tom: It’s…it’s delightful…full of mysteries and surprises…
Toni: The Japanese sure got surprised at Hiroshima.
THEY GLARE AT HER.
Toni: Well, it was an atom bomb, wasn’t it? Isn’t that what we’re discussing, atoms and stuff?
Mother: My son the genius!
Tom: Oh, Mom!
Mother: I can hear it now…and the Nobel Prize in Physics is awarded to Dr. Thomas Randwick for his groundbreaking work in Unified Field Theory…they say intelligence comes from the mother.
Father: My dear, you’re not only an intelligent mother, but a charming woman who makes a wonderful mulligan stew.
Toni: Wasn’t that Hamburger Helper?
Father: That was a delicious dinner, wasn’t it kids? Life’s good, isn’t it mother? We are truly blessed. TAPS HIS GLASS WITH HIS SPOON. HE AND MOTHER PECK. Well, Toni, how’s my schnookums? How did you make out at the softball tryouts? What’s for dessert, Mother?
Mother: There’s no dessert today.
Father: No dessert?
Mother: I think there’s some gingersnaps left if Toni hasn’t gotten into them. GETS UP TO GET COOKIES.
Toni: Mom! You have a son who eats cookies too, you know! And besides, aren’t they to eat, or are they just kitchen decoration?
Mother: There’s no need to be rude.
Toni: You’re rude to me all the time.
Father: Toni, apologize to your mother, immediately.
Toni: Sorry.
Father: Praise God for gingersnaps, then. And how about a nice pot of that vintage Darjeeling?
MOTHER EXITS
Toni: I didn’t go to the tryouts, Dad.
Father: Didn’t go to the tryouts? But you’re good at softball. You always make the team.
Toni: That’s what I was afraid of.
Tom: You need to do a sport, or something, hamster chops. HE GRABS HER CHEEKS. Fat, fat the water rat. LAUGHS.
Toni: Shut up! Don’t call me that! Dad, make him stop!
Father: It’s just puppy fat. It’ll go away.
Mother: ENTERS WITH TEA TRAY, AND ONE PIECE OF CHOCOLATE CAKE, WHICH SHE GIVES TO TOM. HE BEGINS TO EAT LUSTILY. Your sister’s didn’t. There was just one piece of chocolate cake left.
Tom: Yeah. Aunt Darlene looks just like a giant hamster. HE AND MOTHER LAUGH.
Father: That’s an unkind thing to say about your aunt.
Mother: Oh, John, I’ve heard you say the same thing yourself. SHE IS PUTTING CUPS AROUND, POURING MILK AND TEA.
Father: Well, I shouldn’t have. SIPS HIS TEA. Did you remember to take the bags out after three minutes?
Mother: Whoops! SHE FISHES BAGS OUT OF POT. I did remember to warm the pot though. I don’t know. English Breakfast in the morning, Darjeeling after lunch, Earl Grey if it’s a warm day, Lapsang Souchong if it’s blisteringly hot, a rich, malty Assam if it’s cold and miserable, Decaf Earl Grey at night, Russian Caravan after red wine, Oolong after white…why we can’t just drink Orange Pekoe, Red Rose, or Nabob or something like the rest of Canada, I’ll never know!
Father: Well, Toni, you’ll just have to talk to the coach, then. It’s probably not too late.
Toni: Dad, I don’t want to play softball this year, or ever again, in fact. Why can’t you understand? Why can’t you all get off my back! RUNS OFF.
Father: Toni! You didn’t ask to be excused.
Tom: I’ll go and see what’s up. HESITATES. May I be excused?
Father: Yes. You know a meal’s not complete for me without dessert. Why didn’t you pick up a pie or something?
Mother: I have to make the biggest presentation of my career this week, and all you care about is dessert. And now you’ve upset Toni. Must you always start! EXITS
Father: SITTING ALONE. PERPLEXED. A man can’t open his mouth around here. DIGS INTO GINGERSNAPS BAG WHICH IS ALMOST EMPTY. MANAGES TO FIND A BROKEN PIECE TO EAT.
LIGHTS DOWN.
SCENE TWO
TONI’S BEDROOM
Tom: Hey, hamster chops. What’s got into you?
Toni: For the gazillionth time, please don’t call me that. I hate it when you call me that.
Tom: It’s such a cute name. I’m just joshin’. POKES AROUND ON HER NIGHT TABLE. Umm, gummy bears, my favourite. PICKS UP PACK OF GUMMY BEARS AND STARTS EATING THEM. SPOTS A PACK OF CIGARETTES WHICH HE PICKS UP. You haven’t started smoking?
Toni: Big whoop. Tom, have you ever gone to a club, or had a drink, or told a lie? Did you ever come home after your curfew, Tom? You’re such an innocent dork.
Tom: There’s nothing good happening after midnight for teenagers, Toni.
Toni: Good grief! I don’t even think you were a natural birth. I think Dad must have gone and had himself cloned. I wouldn’t put it past him. There’s Dolly the sheep, and Tom.
Tom: Dad just wants the best for you, Toni.
Toni: Dad wants the best for himself. The perfect family. He wants me to be another him, another Mom, another you. Tom the youth leader, the football star, the class valedictorian, oh, and let’s not forget your Grade 12 triumph as Skye Masterson in Guys and Dolls. Tom auditions, Tom gets the lead role. Done deal.
Tom: It’s not like you to be jealous, Toni.
Toni: I’m not jealous, Tom. I’ve always been proud that you’re my big brother. It’s just that I feel like I have no identity and I’m frightened. It hurts me to disappoint Mom and Dad…they’re always so supportive, so loving, so understanding…they get that hurt look, those puppy dog eyes…I want to please them, but I can’t, and I can’t keep trying anymore. It’s easy for you, you come home and say, ‘I got 95% in Physics!’ My brother the genius!
Tom: I work for every mark!
Toni: I work too, but I feel dumb. I had another exciting class in chemistry today. I’m like, I don’t understand this…please kill me now. The teacher was going on and on about electronegativity…
TOM INTERRUPTS. HE LOVES CHEMISTRY.
Tom: Yeah, atoms tend to attract the shared elements in a chemical bond. When a bond is formed between two different types of atoms, the shared electron pair are usually shared unequally…
Toni: DROLLY. Of course you know why.
Tom: Well, it’s because the atoms have different ionization energies and different…
Toni: INTERRUPTING. I couldn’t care less about electronegativity! It’s not even what I’m trying to tell you.
Tom: Don’t care was made to care.
Toni: Enough with Dad’s little aphorisms, please. You’re not my father. Tommy, I don’t know what’s happening to me…I don’t understand it, and it scares me.
Tom: What do you like to do?
Toni: I barely know. I’ve been so busy doing what other people want me to do, I haven’t had time to think about what I’d like to do. Maybe I’d just like to sit in my room and string beads…I don’t know…Dad’s always on about doing something with your time. Why does time have to have something done with it? Why can’t we just exist in the time? Why can’t we just be? Why must we always do?
Tom: You used to love sports.
Toni: No, I didn’t. Mom and Dad loved sports, Tom. I thought I had to love sports, but I don’t like softball, I don’t like basketball, I don’t like volleyball. Tom, I love you dearly, but I detest football. I hate teamsports, all that camaraderie and sweating bodies, and don’t let the team down, and rah, rah, and, call me heretical and sacrilegious, but hockey is torture for me.
Tom: You were on the softball team for years.
Toni: Did you ever notice, Tom, that I wasn’t particularly good at it? It was painful for me. I was only trying to please Mom and Dad. You know what they’re like, sitting there in the rain, shivering, “You can do it Toni, good eye!” We could have all been home doing something we enjoyed doing. And I’d strike out again and again, not to mention the bruises and the broken nose. I hate having someone throw a ball at me as hard as they can. I don’t see Mom and Dad playing any team sports. The Church has a softball team; they could join up if team sports are so essential to life.
Tom: Maybe you should talk to someone.
Toni: Isn’t that what I’m doing right now?
Tom: Someone professional, your school counsellor.
Toni: Tom, you’re not hearing me. I love you, but right now I can’t stand you. This family is toxic, it’s killing me. I got voted off the island a long time ago.
Tom: COLDLY I thank God every day for my parents and the life they’ve given me…it’s the life I want. You’re just so, so…
Toni: Ungrateful? How come whenever I try to tell someone how I feel, the conversation comes around to my supposed ingratitude? Saint Antonia. Patron saint of ingrates. For penance she was sentence to spend her days watching Divorce Court and World Vision documentaries, and Save the Children, and Christian Children’s Fund…and the 6 o’clock news…and one day…someone switched the channel to CBC and it was Hockey Night in Canada…and she felt strangely grateful, so she put on her cleats, and her batting glove, and took her bat, and made a pilgrimage to the softball field, where she played and played and played…BREAKS DOWN
TOM DRAWS BACK PERPLEXED
LIGHTS DOWN
SCENE THREE
MORNING IN BUSY HOUSEHOLD
TONI IS ASLEEP IN BED. HER PARENTS ARE RUSHING ABOUT GETTING READY FOR WORK. MOTHER IS WEARING A BUSINESS SUIT. SHE RUSHES INTO TONI’S ROOM.
Mother: Time to get up…you’ll be late for school again…how can you stand this mess, it’s unsanitary. You know, a person’s living space reflects their mind.
EXITS
Toni: Good morning to you too, Mom.
FATHER ENTERS
Father: How’s my schnookums this beautiful morning?
TONI GRUNTS AND ROLLS OVER. FATHER PULLS COVERS OFF HER.
Father: Waky, waky, it’s daylight in the swamp.
TONI LIES THERE. FATHER SPRAYS HER WITH PLANT MISTER.
TONI SITS UP.
Toni: Dad! Stop it! It’s not funny anymore!
MOTHER RUSHES IN CARRYING A BRIEFCASE, KEYS, AND A FIVE DOLLAR BILL.
Mother: Here’s five dollars, you’ll have to buy lunch…I haven’t had time to shop. NOTICES SOME SCRATCHES ON TONI’S ARMS. What happened here? What are all these scratches?
Toni: The cat scratched me.
Mother: Hmmm. PAUSES. LOOKS AT TONI’S HAIR. Darling, we really must do something about that hair.
Father: What’s wrong with her hair? Leave her hair alone. Your hair’s just fine, schnookums.
Mother: It’s out of control, as is the lawn, I might add.
Father: Lawn is just an English vanity. Who says grass has to be two inches tall?
Toni: The lawn police.
Father: We like our meadow, don’t we schnookums? Buttercups and daisies and mushrooms, and those little blue flowers…
Mother: And dandelions and morning glory. It’s a hayfield out there. You’ll have to mow after work today.
Father: Isn’t Tom meant to mow?
Mother: He has a game today.
Father: Schnookums?
Toni: Dad, you know I’m afraid of two things…power equipment and pet shops with snakes, rats, and tarantulas.
Mother: How can you be afraid of the lawn mower?
Toni: You told me that story about your uncle’s big toe once, and I never got over it.
Mother: Look, I have to run. Tom’s left for UBC already, early morning football practice. EXITS
Toni: Bully for him.
Father: Tom didn’t have to repeat Grade Ten.
Toni: I suppose you’ve let him take the car to school.
Father: Your brother’s going to make something of himself…he’s not a quitter.
Toni: Dad, I could do a lot worse things than quit the softball team!….Daddy…I’ve been feeling kind of sad lately…
Father: Look, schnookums, it’s no big deal if you don’t want to play softball…you can do something else with your time.
Toni: It’s not just the softball, Dad.
Father: Well, what is it?
Toni: I’m just not happy.
Father: Nonsense! What on earth have you got to be unhappy about? Look, I’m going to be late for work if I don’t skedaddle. EXITS
Toni: I knew you wouldn’t understand. TONI SINGS
Is anybody out there, listening to me?
Can anybody hear me, can anybody see?
Why can’t you love me and accept me,
Take me as I am?
I’m not Tom and never will be,
I’m me, that’s who I am.
FATHER RUSHES BY CARRYING A BRIEFCASE
Toni: Daddy, I can’t….
Father: Not now, schnookums. I’ve got to get a move on…see you at supper. And remember, it’s your turn to do up the breakfast dishes before you go to school. EXITS
Toni: I can’t go to school today. Is anybody out there?
SCENE FOUR
FAMILY HOME THE SAME DAY.
PARENTS ARRIVE HOME FROM WORK.
Father: No dishes done.
Mother: That kid! Her room’s a pigpen. NOTICES NOTE ON PILLOW. READS TONI’S RUNAWAY NOTE. ‘Don’t look for me. I’m leaving. I think I’m just a drag on the whole family. You’ll probably all be better off with me gone. Don’t worry about me, I can take care of myself…I’ll be in touch, love Toni.’ John! She’s run away!
Father: Don’t upset yourself. She’s probably gone to a friend’s. I’ll go and phone Christine. EXITS
MOTHER NOTICES TONI’S JOURNAL, FLIPS THROUGH, AND BEGINS TO READ ALOUD. TONI’S VOICE JOINS IN, THEN LIGHTS DOWN ON MOTHER, AND UP ON TONI.
Mother: ‘This house is like a prison to me. My parents are so absorbed in each other and themselves.’
Mother and Toni: SIMULTANEOUSLY There doesn’t seem to be much point in growing up.
Toni: I hardly ever meet any adults I want to be like—I usually find them disgusting and embarrassing. School is a constant reminder of my stupidity. I’m hopeless. I’ll never get to college. I don’t feel that life will ever run smoothly again. I thought I was going to enjoy being a teenager, getting a driver’s licence, a job, staying out late. I thought I would wear the coolest clothes, have lots of friends, the perfect face and body, go to the hottest places. Well, I have few friends and lots of enemies, still wear the same old style of clothes, and about that perfect body image—I don’t have it. I’ve tried hard to make and keep things right, I’ve tried so, so hard to get it together…I’m constantly battling feelings of anxiety and depression, but I’ve been getting help and working on it from my Bible, though most of the time the feelings are too big to handle and I want to die, but God says he won’t give you anything you can’t handle. I feel like I’m carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders…it makes me feel so sick, I can’t make it to school due to this. I’m still confused about who I am, because I feel like the real me isn’t shining through anymore. I feel like I’ve tried to be someone I’m not—so much so that I’ve actually turned into this person who’s not me. I can’t stop hurting myself. It makes me feel better, calmer. But I want the old me back. Won’t someone please help me?
LIGHT DOWN ON TONI, UP ON MOTHER, WHO IS DEVASTATED. FATHER ENTERS.
Father: No one knows where she is. She wasn’t at school today.
PHONE RINGS. THEY GRAB IT, ANXIOUS FOR NEWS. FATHER LISTENS A BIT AND PUTS PHONE DOWN.
Father: That was the recorded message from the school: ‘Your child was absent from one or more classes today.’ I’m gonna try next door. Maybe they’ve seen her. EXITS
Mother: God, Lord, Father, I know I haven’t talked to you in a long time…I haven’t been coming to church, we’re always so busy, and there’s Tom’s football…I’m always so rushed and running around…running for what? What am I so rushed for? I’m sorry, Lord, I didn’t know…please bring Toni home safely, Lord, and I promise, I promise…
FATHER ENTERS.
Father: Bargaining with a higher power is a classic reaction to grief, Marjorie, but I don’t think God cuts deals. Look, she’s probably gone downtown to a movie or something…
Mother: No, no, no. HOLDS OUT JOURNAL TO HIM.
Father: READING A BIT. ‘The feelings are too big to handle, and I want to die.’ But she’s been brought up in Church, Sunday School, Camp…
Mother: Oh, who are we kidding! We’ve created a religion of our own. We’ve been living in a Christian fantasy.
FATHER MOVES TO EXIT
Mother: Where are you going?
Father: I’m going to look for her.
LIGHTS DOWN
SCENE FIVE
STREET SCENE
TONI IS PANHANDLING…PEOPLE WALK BY HER…COWBOY IS BUSKING.
BAG LADY ENTERS, TALKING TO HERSELF.
Bag Lady: I’m on the train, I’m on the train, I’m on the train. TO COWBOY. Are you on the train?
Cowboy: Yes ma’am, I surely am.
Bag Lady: TO TONI. Are you on the train? Gotta get on the train.
TONI TRIES TO AVOID HER, BUT SHE PERSISTS IN TRYING TO GET TONI’S ATTENTION.
Bag Lady: The gospel train. Are you on the gospel train? LEANS FORWARD CONSPIRATORIALLY. Rats live on no evil planet!
Toni: Star…rats live on no evil star.
Bag Lady: No one can live on a star. It’s a big, burning ball of hydrogen—a self-luminous sphere of gas.
Toni: It’s a palindrome, you can’t say planet, you have to say star.
Bag Lady: I said planet.
Toni: You meant star…then it says the same thing backwards and forwards, you know, like ‘Able was I ere I saw Elba.’
Bag Lady: Life would be easier, wouldn’t it if everything we said was the same backwards and forwards, and if down was the same as up and in the same as out and black the same as white and good the same as bad…Mind you, goodness isn’t fashionable these days…read the magazines. Everyone wants to be beautiful, rich, or smart, all three preferably. When do you read an article about how to be good? I never had children, but if I did, I’d want them to be good. I married a good man. Would you like to meet him? My husband Cliff. SHE PRODUCES A BOX CONTAINING CLIFF’S ASHES. Till death do us part.
Toni: Isn’t Cliff kinda dead already?
Bag Lady: Yes, but I’m not, so his mortal remains remain with me. Cliff’s gone home on the morning train, he’s gone to be with Jesus, and he’s waiting for me on the other side.
SMOOTH-TALKING GUY ENTERS
Toni: Spare any change?
Guy: I haven’t seen you down here before. THROWS MONEY IN HER HAT.
Toni: Wow! Thanks a lot.
Guy: You are very welcome…say, have you got somewhere to crash? I know a place if you’re interested.
Bag Lady: Rat. Are you on the train?
Guy: There’s a lot of crazies down here…lotta bad stuff.
Cowboy: Yep, there surely is.
Bag Lady: Crazy? TO COWBOY. I’ll tell ya crazy. I just read about this Austrian fella who wants to buy the rights to Mick Jagger’s ashes, wants to put ‘em in hour glasses and sell ‘em for hundreds of thousands of dollars each.
Cowboy: Yes, ma’am, ya see, the way I see it, there’s more wealth produced than there are useful things to spend it on, so folks have to spend it on rubbish, like those singin’ plastic fish, ya know, that sing, ‘Don’t worry, be happy.’ Just the thing for Father’s Day, the perfect gift for the Dad who has everything. Now what good is a singin’ plastic fish, you tell me?
Guy: Get lost!
Cowboy: Girlie, it can be a great advantage in life to be intelligent, but not look like you are.
Guy: This is no place for a pretty girl like you.
Cowboy: It surely isn’t.
Guy: Say, I’m free right now, I could show ya the place, we could grab a couple of lattes…?
TONI AND GUY EXIT
Bag Lady: I’m on the train, I’m on the train.
FATHER ENTERS SHOWING PASSERSBY A PHOTO OF TONI.
Father: Have you seen this girl? Have you seen my daughter?
BAG LADY ACCOSTS FATHER.
Bag Lady: Are you on the train?
COWBOY SINGS ‘SHE WON’T SEE SEVENTEEN.’
VERSE 1
She was only sixteen
She was innocent and free
When she was taken by a young man of the streets.
VERSE 2
He took her out
To his shanty town home
Where she sold herself and felt so all alone.
CHORUS
Now she won’t ever see seventeen
And she won’t be sixteen, no never again
She wanders through her life
Wishing for a friend
There seems no way out
Nowhere to turn
When you fall in with the wrong crowd
You sure can get burned
VERSE 3
She was her Daddy’s princess
Now she’s a mean street queen
Life’s turned a trick on her
It’s stolen her young dream
VERSE 4
Now down these streets she wanders
Weary and forlorn
Wasted and wanting
Wounded and worn
VERSE 5
So daddies, remember
Keep your girls close to your knee
And don’t let them wander
Down these forsaken streets.
CHORUS REPEAT
(COPYRIGHT NADINE LAUGHLIN AND BONNIE FAY MOORE, 1998.)
FATHER STANDS, A BROKEN, HELPLESS MAN.
Father: Help me God. Help me find my daughter.
Bag Lady: The prayers of the saints are kept in golden bowls in heaven.
LIGHTS OUT
ACT 11,
SCENE SIX
ONE YEAR LATER. TONI’S ROOM.
MOTHER SITS ON BED, CRADLING JOURNAL. FATHER ENTERS. PHONE RINGS, MOTHER GRABS IT.
Mother: YELLS TO TOM OFFSTAGE. Tom, pick up, it’s for you, make sure you get the beeps, it might be Toni, Toni might call…I never knew the pain she was in…it’s my fault…
Father: I phoned the prayer chain, they’re still praying for her.
Mother: They’ve been praying for a year now. Fat lot of good it’s done.
Father: Marjie!
Mother: And I don’t need a sermonette about how God has three answers to prayer, thank you very much. Oh, I should have known…I should have done something. I just thought it was, you know, normal teenage angst…she was such a happy baby…remember when she was dedicated? She chortled the whole time.
Father: She pulled the minister’s glasses off. Marjie, don’t be too hard on yourself, you were a good mother. Depression’s a chemical imbalance…
Mother: John, I’ve had this idea lately…why don’t we just take her?
Father: You mean, kidnap her?
Mother: She is our daughter, after all. We could try to win her back…if we could just get her away from that environment for long enough.
Father: The police have warned us not to do that. We can’t break the law and hold her against her will.
Mother: Oh, but this guy she’s living with can cut her off from her family, her school, her friends, fill her full of drugs and convince her to sell her flesh, and that’s not breaking the law?
Father: Under current law, parents don’t have the right to force their children off the streets.
Mother: The law wasn’t set up for these circumstances. We’d be completely justified in taking our daughter…it’s a rescue…we’re desperate, we may even save her life.
Father: You can’t have everybody breaking the law just because they’re desperate.
Mother: You’re such a wimp, John! Any real father, any real man, would be able to bring his daughter home. No wonder Tom’s such a pantywaist! Kicked off the football team! I’ve done everything I could to make a man of him…
Father: Oh, like smother him to death! You mean you’ve done your best to make him a mommy’s boy!
Mother: You leave Tom out of this!
Father: But you were the one who….
Mother: All I’m saying is perhaps sometimes one’s own moral principles require deviating from the rules….
Father: The end doesn’t justify the means. The law is what holds society together.
Mother: What about God’s law?
Father: Toni must bear some responsibility, Marjie. I don’t buy all this drug addiction is a disability rubbish. She made some conscious choices. She isn’t being held prisoner, you know. I didn’t tell you, but I saw her this week…she waved and smiled as if everything was completely normal. I nearly drove into a telephone pole.
Mother: I feel I could have done things differently. I should have known.
Father: I didn’t want to know. Come to prayer meeting tonight with me.
Mother: No, no, I need to be here. What if Toni phones? Or comes home…I want to be here.
Father: You can’t live the rest of your life never going out of the house. Look, she’ll probably phone on your birthday, she did last year, remember?
Mother: Only because she wanted money.
Father: At least she gets in touch with us occasionally.
Mother: The glass is always half full for you, isn’t it? Well, it’s not for me. This is my daughter’s room, and she’s not in it. This room is empty. I’m empty. I’m trying my best, but I’m hanging by a thread. Oh, John, I do know you’re doing all you can.
Father: Yes, I’ve been doing all I can for over a year now, but it’s not enough…your daughter is killing herself out there on the streets while you ‘do your best.’ Marjie, I think there are some circumstances in life where doing one’s best isn’t the answer, it doesn’t even come close. Marjie, please come to prayer meeting with me tonight.
TOM HAS ENTERED UNNOTICED.
Mother: There’s something else, John. How can we ever forgive this man? How, how, how? How can I forgive someone who’s harmed a child of mine?
Father: I don’t know.
Mother: I’ve been thinking about Brendan.
Father: Don’t do this to yourself, Marjie.
Mother: I’ve been thinking about the day he died.
Father: Marjie, please.
Mother: He’d been warned a hundred times not to swim in the river.
Father: He was always headstrong and impulsive, Marjie, not like Tom.
Mother: No, not like Tom. I try to be happy. I try to take pleasure in small moments. Isn’t that a beautiful piece of music? Isn’t that a pretty tree? But at the end of the day my son is still gone. I’ve lost one child, John. I won’t lose another. It’s too much too ask. Please, please John, get her back for me. I’ll die myself if you don’t.
Father: Marjie, come with me, please.
Mother: I won’t come to prayer meeting. I’ve forgotten how to pray, John, but you pray for us both here before you leave.
Father: Lord, I didn’t mean it to be this way. I made promises I haven’t kept. I don’t know where the years have gone. Lord, grant us another chance to be the parents you planned. Bring our daughter home, please, in Jesus’ name, Amen…Marjie, you’ve been a good wife…I love you…I couldn’t bear to lose you too.
Tom: Dad. I’ll go to prayer meeting with you.
Father: Tom! Yes, yes, son. We’ll go together.
Tom: Mom. I would’ve stopped him if I’d have seen him…Brendan…I wouldn’t have let him swim in the river. I wish I’d have seen him. I could’ve stopped him for you Mom.
LIGHTS OUT
SCENE SEVEN
PRAYER MEETING
COWBOY IS SINGING ‘PASS ME NOT O GENTLE SAVIOUR’. FATHER AND TOM ENTER AND SIT IN EMPTY SEATS. BAG LADY ENTERS, QUESTIONING MEMBERS OF THE AUDIENCE, WHO HAVE BECOME THE CONGREGATION, AND SITS BETWEEN FATHER AND TOM.
Bag Lady: Amen, brother. Hallelujah! I’m on the gospel train. Are you on the train? Are you on the train?
Preacher: You may not know where you are or what this is. This is an old-fashioned, heartfelt, holy-ghost, heaven-sent, devil-chasing, sin-killing, true-blue, red-hot, blood-bought, God-given, Jesus-loving, indoor camp-meeting. Now, if you pulled up to the pumps tonight and you’re lookin’ for regular, He ain’t got any. It’s all high-octane, lead-free, and it’s full of anti-pollutants and I can guarantee you the price will never go up. It’s still the same as it’s always been—freely given by Jesus Christ, bought and paid for by the Blood of the Lamb.
Bag Lady: Hallelujah!
Preacher: LOOKING AT FATHER. Brother, I see your burden.
Cowboy: God’s got your attention, He surely has.
Father: Do you know what it feels like, to not know where your daughter is? I’m crying from the moment I wake up. I’ve begged her to come home. I’ve pleaded, offered money. I’m shaking inside, my wife says she wants to leave, she doesn’t feel any reason to live anymore. Christmas, birthdays, we just go through the motions. Who wants presents when your daughter’s away? It’s too awful to tell. She’s rejected everything she’s been taught.
Cowboy: We need the Lord, O how we need Thee.
Preacher: God, you see what we’re facing. We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Lord, give us wisdom, grace, strength, and mercy. This is a house of prayer. Oh, brother, come boldly to the throne of grace. Now, if a hog came into your living room, fresh from a mudhole, would you pet him, and polish his toenails, or tie a ribbon around his tail? No, you’d get a broom and knock him out of the house. When the devil comes in, that old serpent the devil, don’t pet and polish him, get yourself a Holy Ghost-filled broom and knock him out of the house! PRAYS We’re gonna fight. We’re not gonna hand her over. Now, in the name and by the authority of Jesus Christ, we command you Satan, you will give up that girl. You are defeated! Jesus said, “I have overcome the world.” Oh, Lord, bind the evil one now! Brother, it’s over. Go home to your wife.
Cowboy: Leave your daughter in the hands of God.
LIGHTS OUT
SCENE EIGHT
GUY’S PLACE
TONI IS SHOOTING UP HEROIN. SHE WILL NOD OFF, ETC. DURING SCENE. GUY IS WATCHING TV. KNOCKING IS HEARD. GUY LOOKS AT TONI. SHE GETS UP TO ANSWER DOOR. IT IS TOM.
Toni: Tommy. My buttoned-down zipped up bro. Mom’s let you out to play, has she. Or did she send you here? I’m not going home.
Tom: I’m not asking you to.
Toni: You’re not?
Tom: No.
Toni: Whattaya gonna do? Preach at me?
Tom: No.
Toni: TO GUY. Baby, my brother’s here. My goody-goody brother. Never did nothin' wrong, never no time.
Tom: You’re different.
Toni: How perceptive. Guy, didn’t I tell you Tom had a mind like a steel trap? Mommy didn’t do a very good job of picking out your clothes today.
Tom: I need to talk to you, Toni.
Toni: Talk away.
Tom: Privately.
Toni: Guy takes care of me now. We don’t have any secrets.
Tom: I want to talk to you alone.
Guy: You heard her.
Tom: You stay outta this!
Guy: Or what!
Tom: It’s family business.
Toni: Guy’s my family now.
Tom: Five minutes, please.
Toni: Baby?
Guy: I got some business to do anyway, but you better be gone when I get back.
GUY EXITS, BUT LINGERS CONCEALED AND UNNOTICED TO EAVESDROP.
Tom: It’s about Brendan.
Toni: Brendan! I barely remember him. What about Brendan?
Tom: The day he died.
Toni: I know that story off by heart, Tommy. I don’t want to hear it again.
Tom: We lived in the country when you were little. We used to go and picnic down at the river, at the backwash. The river would run high and fast in the summer, and overflow and make these pools. It was safe in the backwash, shallow and warm and calm.
Toni: Yeah, and Brendan walked over the sandbars and got swept away in the river while big brother wasn’t watching. Deal with it Tom. He was old enough to know better.
Tom: Will you listen to me! I was watching. I watched him every step of the way. I was watching because I sent him there, into the river. I teased him. I dared him to jump in. I called him a sissy. I knew he wouldn’t back down…he never backed down from a dare, stupid kid. I wanted to get him into trouble, that’s all. Mom and Dad had gone to the car to get the food. I thought they’d come back and find him walking to the river and get mad at him. That was what was meant to happen. They said they’d only be a minute…and then, he ran to the river and jumped in…I heard him cry out…he was waving and calling out…he was swept away so quickly, he was a hundred yards downriver and then he was gone. I’ll never forget the look on Mom’s face, and the awful silence. I’m not what you think I am at all, Toni. I’m not good at all. I killed my brother…and I lied about it. I promised myself that she would never have that look on her face again. I vowed never to cause her any more pain. I promised myself to delight her, to entertain her, to make her happy, and proud. To make up for Brendan. That’s all I’ve ever tried to do. I’ve never told this to another living soul, but I think about it every day. It loops around, and around in my mind…Brendan, walking to the river, and the look on my Mother’s face. She has that same look now, Toni.
Toni: What’s it to me? What do you want from me? I kind of got lost that day too, Tom. You know how the family legend goes. They forgot to feed me for two days. I was just little, you know. Dad thought Aunt Darlene was feeding me, and she thought the neighbours were. They found me eating out of the dog dish. I guess they didn’t forget to feed the dog.
Tom: A day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t wanted to tell them the truth, and beg their forgiveness, but I’m afraid.
Toni: We’re all afraid, Tom.
Tom: But I’m going to now, today. I’m going home to tell them. HE MOVES TO LEAVE.
Toni: No! Don’t tell them Tommy. It’ll kill them. You can’t bring Brendan back, and look at what I’ve become. Let them still have you, Tommy. Don’t take that from them just to make yourself feel better. God forgives…ask God for forgiveness, not Mom.
TOM EXITS
TONI FALLS ASLEEP. VOICEOVER OF PREACHER’S PRAYER AS SHE MOVES RESTLESSLY IN SLEEP. SHE WAKES UP AND LOOKS FOR HER SHOES, JACKET, ETC. AS IF TO LEAVE. GUY ENTERS.
Guy: Where do you think you’re goin’?
Toni: Someone’s praying for me, I know it.
Guy: I thought you’d had it with all that God stuff.
Toni: Tonight, someone’s praying for me. I was dreaming, and God showed me I was heading for a deep chasm or something, and it was gonna swallow me up.
Guy: That’s the drugs talking.
Toni: No! He woke me up. I have to go home.
Guy: My lady you are home.
Toni: I’m leaving now.
GUY GRABS AND PUSHES TONI DURING THE NEXT LINES. SHE FIGHTS BACK.
Guy: You belong to me.
Toni: Yes, part of me does belong to you, Guy, only because I gave it freely, but part you stole…you robbed me Guy, and you didn’t need to, because, you see, …if only you knew how much I love you, and want to stay. Can love be wasted? That’s the worst hurt, Guy, not what I’ve become, but that you’ve trampled my love.
Guy: You’re a hooker and a hype. Do you think your fancy parents in their fancy West Side villa want you walking through their front door? I know you, Toni. Any minute from now you’ll be begging me to get you some.
Toni: I can get some the same place you do. I know a dozen places I can get some. You think that’s why I stay with you? Love can be an addiction too, Guy, and poor fool me I have loved you…How did you get to be who you are, Guy? I don’t believe you even like women, or yourself, even.
Guy: PUSHING HER DOWN. I’ll kill you before I let you leave.
Toni: I have a gift, Guy, and you know what it is? I can read people’ emotions. I can see right through them, even things they hide from themselves. You can’t let yourself be loved, Guy. You’re a coward, Guy. That’s your tragedy.
Guy: Look atcha! You’re so strung out you won’t make it down the corridor…you’re walkin’ around like you got no soul.
Toni: I can hear my pastor’s voice, preaching, saying, ‘flee from evil’. I had forgotten, but now I remember. I do have a soul, and I do have a home to go to, and I’m going there. You can kill my body, but my soul and spirit belong to Jesus Christ.
Guy: Your old lady’s gonna love hearing what happened at the river.
Toni: You were listening?
Guy: If you leave, I’m gonna tell her everything.
Toni: I reject you! I reject you! Reject, reject, reject….
LIGHTS OUT
SCENE NINE
TONI’S ROOM
MOTHER IS IN TONI’S ROOM, TOUCHING TONI’S THINGS. SHE SITS ON THE BED, TAKES BOTTLE OF PILLS FROM HER ROBE POCKET, CONTEMPLATES SUICIDE.
Mother: LEAPS TO HER FEET. Our father who art in heaven PAUSE forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us PAUSE forgive me my sins, as I forgive….
TONI HAS ENTERED THE HOUSE AND CALLS FOR HER MOTHER.
Toni: Mom!
Mother: DROPPING TO KNEES. As I forgive others, forgive me…
Toni: Mom!
MOTHER THINKS SHE IS IMAGINING TONI’S VOICE.
Mother: Toni? STANDS UP.
Toni: Mom!
Mother: SEES TONI. Toni! RUNS TO TONI. THEY EMBRACE. MOTHER SMOOTHS TONI’S HAIR, KISSES THE TRACK MARKS ON HER ARMS. John! John!
FATHER ENTERS.
Father: Schnookums!
Mother: Toni’s home.
Toni: Daddy, I’ve hurt you, I’ve hurt Mom, I’ve hurt myself, I’ve sinned against God…I had a dream…I had to come home…Dad, I need help.
Father: It’s okay, schnookums, we’ll do whatever’s needed.
LIGHTS DOWN
ACT 111, SCENE TEN
TONI’S ROOM, SIX MONTHS LATER.
TOM KNOCKS AT TONI’S DOOR. HE IS CARRYING A GIFT.
Tom: Can I come in?
Toni: Sure.
Tom: What’s up?
Toni: Nothing much. Gummies? SHE OFFERS PACK OF GUMMY BEARS. I’m glad to be out of rehab, though.
Tom: They say you shouldn’t make any important decisions for at least five years after rehab.
Toni: I don’t know how I’m going to get to be 23 years old without an important decision coming my way.
Tom: Yeah. I got you something, Sis, kind of a welcome home gift.
Toni: SHE TALKS AS SHE OPENS IT. Not another Bible, or mushy self-help book, I hope, not to sound ungrateful…Pushkin! Alexander Pushkin!
Tom: Yeah.
Toni: FLIPS THROUGH BOOK AND READS A PASSAGE.
‘I loved you, and my love, I think was stronger
Than to be quite extinct within me yet;
But let it not distress you any longer;
I would not have you feel the least regret.
I loved you bare of hope and expression,
By turns with jealousy and shyness sore;
I loved you with such purity, such passion
As may God grant you to be loved once more.’
Tommy, you’re the best brother!
Tom: Yeah, well, I’d like to be. I thought, you know….
Toni: I know, Tom…and thank you for knowing. I realize I have to put away childish things and grow up. I’ve been an emotional hemophiliac, yet rejecting the love that was being offered so freely. I’ve been acting no differently than Guy. I lost it completely for a year, Tom, living completely on the edge.
Tom: Thank God for letting you live.
Toni: I woke up in the hospital once, and I was angry I was alive. I hated God. I cursed Him. I’m sorry, Lord, forgive me, but I hated myself, I hated everybody. But I didn’t really want to die. I just wanted to be dead for a little while.
Tom: It’s no one’s fault you were depressed, Sis, …Toni.
Toni: I like it when you call me Sis…it’s a family thing. I even kinda miss hamster chops.
Tom: It’s not the family’s fault or yours. I read somewhere it can even be a reaction to a viral illness. You know all those family counselling sessions we’ve all been going to?
Toni: Yeah. They’re really cool. I’ve learnt a lot of tools, as they say. For example, if you get a bad grade in school, you should think, I need to study more, instead of automatically thinking, ‘I’m so stupid.’
Tom: Yeah. What I want to say is that I’ve learnt a lot too, from you, Toni, about being brave and stuff…you used to say things, but I couldn’t admit I agreed with you. You’re the bravest person I know, Toni, Sis, Hamster Chops.
Toni: You were brave too, Tom, when you told Mom and Dad about Brendan.
Tom: I thought they’d hate me. Instead, they just put their arms around me and didn’t say anything. Just hugged me tight and cried…we all cried. I thought you’d hate me too, Toni.
Toni: Uh uh. Now, Brendan might have a thing or two to say when we meet him in heaven some day.
Tom: Uh huh.
Toni: You’re different now, Tom.
Tom: How perceptive! Mind like a steel trap! I’m glad it’s over, Sis.
Toni: Over. You know, half the people I met in rehab, it’s like their second, third, fourth time there.
Tom: Well, it’s over for today.
Toni: I don’t have to hurt myself anymore, Tommy. And I know God cares for me. Whatever comes my way, I can talk to Him.
TONI SINGS ‘MADE IN YOUR IMAGE’
You made me in your image, Lord
Yet I’m uniquely me
You taught me how to love, to hear
To feel, to touch, to be
And you care, you care about me
CHORUS
You care, you care about me, Lord
Even when the days are dark and the nights are long
When I don’t have a song
To sing
You bring me hope
You care, you care about me.
You made me in you image, Lord
You set my spirit free
You gave me hope when I had none
Because you care for me
CHORUS REPEAT
SCENE ELEVEN
DINING ROOM.
THE FAMILY IS PLAYING SCRABBLE. AT THE BEGINNING, ONLY TONI IS LIT, AS SHE SOLILIQUIZES, DOWN CENTRE PERHAPS. THEN SHE TAKES HER PLACE AT TABLE.
Toni: Well, things are kind of the same around home, that’s what makes it home, I guess…but they’re also refreshingly different. Tom has taken a break from his search for quantum reality. He finally buckled under the pressure of being Tom, and got a C Minus in one of his subjects, Plasma Dynamics, whatever that is, sounds kind of creepy. He was in despair, but frankly, I think it’s been good for his soul.
TONI SITS DOWN.
Father: Too bad about the C Minus in Plasma Dynamics.
Tom: Yeah.
Father: Guess it’s brought your Grade Point Average right down.
Tom: Yeah.
Father: And you’ll be off the Dean’s list.
Tom: Yeah.
Father: And you’ll be out of the running for the Hawking Medal.
Tom: Yeah. Dad?
Father: Yes, son?
Tom: You know how you always say it’s not the things we try and fail at that we regret, but the things we don’t try at all?
Father: Ye-e-e-s….
Toni: You do say that, Dad.
Mother: You do, John.
Father: I’m waving the white flag! Go on, son.
Tom: Well, I auditioned for Guys and Dolls at the Playhouse…they’re doing it this season…and they hired me!
Toni: You’re going to play Skye Masterson at the Playhouse!?
Tom: No! No. I didn’t get the lead of course. I’m gonna be in the chorus…just a small part, singing and dancing, but it’s a real break.
Father: It’s not going to interfere with your studies, I trust. Your schooling is the most…
Tom: That’s just it, Dad! I’m not going back to school, at least not yet. I want to try and make it in musical theatre. I don’t want to regret not giving it a shot.
Father: Marjie, why don’t I prepare us a nice pot of tea.
Mother: Lovely.
Father: Next thing you’ll be telling me you got a tattoo. MOVES TO SIDEBOARD.
TOM GRABS BUTTOCK WITH A GUILTY LOOK.
Toni: Tommy? WHISPERS You got a tattoo?
Mother: GOES TO FATHER AND HUGS HIM AFFECTIONATELY. Just tea, dear. I really think we need the vintage Darjeeling with the hint of muscatel.
Toni: And some gingersnaps, Dad?
Father: Gingersnaps, yes, definitely gingersnaps.
Toni: Dad, you’re suffering from theism.
Father: Well, I believe in the existence of a personal God who actively manifests Himself in the world…
Toni: That’s what it means in Greek. In Latin it means an over-addiction to tea drinking.
Father: I’m confounded, I confess, I succumb…does decaf count?
MOTHER, FATHER, AND TONI EMBRACE. THEY HOLD THEIR ARMS OUT TO TOM.
Toni: Come on.
Tom: Not another sucky group hug. Okay. MOVES SOME SCRABBLE TILES. I win.
LIGHTS DOWN.
SCENE TWELVE
STREET
COWBOY AND BAG LADY
Bag Lady: He’s coming, you know, the rider on the white horse.
Cowboy: He surely is, ma’am.
Bag Lady: His eyes blazing like fire.
Cowboy: King of kings, and Lord of lords.
Bag Lady: TO AUDIENCE. Are you on the train?
LIGHTS DOWN
If the epilogue, the poem is done, cast come on stage and one actor reads the poem, or performs it as a monologue preferably.
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Copyright Nadine Laughlin 1999
There is a video available for $10 Canadian, plus postage. A small royalty is requested for use of the play equal to $10 Canadian. The author may be contacted at