Dear John
My name is Grace and I am planning on doing a monologue that requires me to end the piece by committing suicide. I don’t actually say I’m committing suicide but it’s supposed to be obvious to the audience that that's what I do. Do you have any idea how I would do this? Thanks a million, Grace.
Dear Grace
An interesting challenge. Some thoughts, which I hope will help:
Suicide does not come out of nowhere. A person develops a suicidal mood over a period of time, often as a consequence of mulling over disappointment, a sense of failure, sense of loss, loss of identity, a feeling of hopelessness, of having no-one that cares, nothing to live for. Everything is black, and there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't know what your script says, but your task as an actress is to become that character. Don't just read the words - look behind the words. Construct a history of the person that fleshes out the few details that will be given you. What is her history, where has she come from? What does she look like? What are her likes/dislikes? What were her hopes/dreams? What are the events that have led up to this moment? Why has she reacted this way, losing all hope? (Or is she trying to punish someone?) You have to make this person totally real in your mind, beyond what the script will tell you.
I assume the script will develop the progression of the despair, that it won't start off at the blackest point. If so, you need to follow that progression with your body language and your tone of voice. Ideally, the audience should be able to see what the logical outcome is going to be, even if you don't actually say it, or use any particular instrument/method. It's in the way your mood becomes blacker, or more angry, and you descend into your own private pit of hell from where you can see no way out.
Have you ever read any of Shakespeare's tragedies? Eg, King Lear, or Hamlet. Right from the start you can tell there is a sense of inevitability about what is going to happen. Characters set themselves on a course, and you know that even though several ways out present themselves, they will not or are unable to take them. They get themselves locked into a mental state, and that's it. Have you ever been in a black mood, and found yourself preferring to wallow in your misery rather than allow someone to snap you out of it? That's the kind of mood you have to develop for a script of this kind. Even if the words are not there in the script, you show it in your demeanour. The words really are only an add-on - the audience should be able to see what's developing even without any words.
This is a very intense sort of subject. I would strongly suggest that you have a director to work with you in this; or if that's not possible, I think it is very important that you get a person whose opinion you value to sit and watch while you rehearse. Explain to them what you are trying to achieve, what's going through your mind, all about your character, and get feedback as to whether you are achieving that. By talking it through with someone, it will become more real to you. And I would also suggest that you have either that person or someone else to off-load to after each rehearsal and the performance, so that you can release the character and the emotions, let it go so that it doesn't become something that depresses you. You must distinguish between the assumed reality of the play and the real reality of your own life, and not let the two become confused.
Warm regards,
John McNeil