By Pete Smithies & Andy Lund
Andy and Pete find it hard to believe an acquaintance really has been changed by meeting Jesus.
Andy: 'ere. Never guess who I saw today.
Pete: Not old urm..
Pete: What, old..
Andy: Yeah, old ..
Pete: Father Christmas..
Andy: No, old
Pete: The old Bill...
Andy: No, old Matey.
Pete: Oh, old matey... well, should've said, shouldn't you.
Andy: I'm trying to, ain't I?
Pete: Well, who is it then..
Andy: Old matey, you know ... matey
Pete: Oh right.. matey ... no, who d'you mean?
Pete: Oh, Joe. You should've said.
Andy: I was trying to, wasn't I?
Pete: Do I know him?
Andy: No, probably not.(Pause)
Pete: So you saw him, did you?
Pete: Right. And...
Andy: Yeah, strange about him. He's gone..
Pete: What down the pub?
Andy: No, he's gone..
Pete: For a Burton?
Andy: No, he's gone doolally.
Pete: Oh, shame. Completely?
Andy: Yeah, off his chump. Round the bend. Not firing on all
cylinders. Not playing with a full deck. His lift don't go all the way up anymore..
Pete: I get the picture. He's one sandwich short of a picnic.
Andy: What's that mean then?
Pete: Never mind. The point is, you saw him, and he's a bit..
Andy: Strange. Right. He's different.
Pete: How d'you mean?
Andy: Well, he's gone all, sort of weird. Helpful and pleasant and that..
Pete: No, get on.
Andy: Yeah, he used to be..
Pete: What,... all right..
Andy: Yeah, you know.. have a go at you, take the mick, ready for a fight, you know..
Pete: Perfectly normal?
Andy: Yeah, and now he can't wait to help you out, give an encouraging word, say something nice...
Pete: Makes you sick..
Andy: Yeah, even taken to talking to old Dave..
Pete: Not old Dismal Dave?
Andy: Yeah. You know him?
Pete: No. .. So what do you think's brought all this about then?
Andy: He says it all started when he read this big book, he's always carrying around..
Pete: The Freeman's catalogue ... ?
Andy: No, the...
Pete: Guinness Book of records?
Andy: No, the Bible.
Pete: Obviously gone in the head, then.
Andy: Obviously. Says it's made him think about his future.
Pete: Has he got one, then?
Andy: Well yeah, he says we all have.
Pete: Oh good. What even dismal Dave?
Andy: Yeah, well Joe says so.
Andy: But he says it's a question of where we want to spend it.
Pete: Oh... you mean, other than down the pub?
© Pete Smithies & Andy Lund 1999
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