By Pete Smithies & Andy Lund


Andy and Pete find it hard to believe an acquaintance really has been changed by meeting Jesus.







Andy: 'ere. Never guess who I saw today.

Pete: Not old… urm..

Andy: Yeah.

Pete: What, old..

Andy: Yeah, old ..

Pete: Father Christmas..

Andy: No, old…

Pete: The old Bill...

Andy: No, old Matey.

Pete: Oh, old matey... well, should've said, shouldn't you.

Andy: I'm trying to, ain't I?

Pete: Well, who is it then..

Andy: Old matey, you know ... matey

Pete: Oh right.. matey ... no, who d'you mean?

Andy: Joe.

Pete: Oh, Joe. You should've said.

Andy: I was trying to, wasn't I?

Pete: Do I know him?

Andy: No, probably not.(Pause)

Pete: So you saw him, did you?

Andy: Yeah.

Pete: Right. And...

Andy: Yeah, strange about him. He's gone..

Pete: What down the pub?

Andy: No, he's gone..

Pete: For a Burton?

Andy: No, he's gone doolally.

Pete: Oh, shame. Completely?

Andy: Yeah, off his chump. Round the bend. Not firing on all

cylinders. Not playing with a full deck. His lift don't go all the way up anymore..

Pete: I get the picture. He's one sandwich short of a picnic.

Andy: What's that mean then?

Pete: Never mind. The point is, you saw him, and he's a bit..

Andy: Strange. Right. He's different.

Pete: How d'you mean?

Andy: Well, he's gone all, sort of weird. Helpful and pleasant and that..

Pete: No, get on.

Andy: Yeah, he used to be..

Pete: What,... all right..

Andy: Yeah, you know.. have a go at you, take the mick, ready for a fight, you know..

Pete: Perfectly normal?

Andy: Yeah, and now he can't wait to help you out, give an encouraging word, say something nice...

Pete: Makes you sick..

Andy: Yeah, even taken to talking to old Dave..

Pete: Not old Dismal Dave?

Andy: Yeah. You know him?

Pete: No. .. So what do you think's brought all this about then?

Andy: He says it all started when he read this big book, he's always carrying around..

Pete: The Freeman's catalogue ... ?

Andy: No, the...

Pete: Guinness Book of records?

Andy: No, the Bible.

Pete: Obviously gone in the head, then.

Andy: Obviously. Says it's made him think about his future.

Pete: Has he got one, then?

Andy: Well yeah, he says we all have.

Pete: Oh good. What even dismal Dave?

Andy: Yeah, well Joe says so.

Pete: Oh

Andy: But he says it's a question of where we want to spend it.

Pete: Oh... you mean, other than down the pub?





© Pete Smithies & Andy Lund 1999
All rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged.
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