First and Ten

By Walt Scheiman


Two friends are at a football game on a Sunday morning discussing their friend who would rather be at church.


Two men


Heavily dressed for winter


(Setting: Two seats at a football game. Play starts with both seated.)
1--Think weíll come back?
2--Sure weíre only down by 35 and there is almost a whole quarter to go!
1--Yeah, we got um just where we want Ďem!  (pointing) Hey look there goes another one.
2--(looking) What is that about 12?
1--13, I think.
2--Why would those guys leave their shirts off for that long in weather like this?  It must be 25 below.
1--Really, even we kept ours off for a quarter.
Together--(both stand and point off to one direction and yell) FIRST DOWN! (give each other high five)
1-- Hey there goes another one (pointing)
2--Ya know that one might be permanent.  Poor guy.
1--Yeah.  (pause) Hey if one of those other guys go maybe we can upgrade to their seats next year.
2--You might have something there. (they look at each other)
Together--(yelling)  Come on, donít put your shirt back on.  What?  You afraid of a little cold?
1--(pointing) He fell for it!
2--YES! 14 yard line here we come!
1--(pause) So what was Martinís excuse today?
2--Oh, same as always (mocking) ďI gotta go to churchĒ.  Pastor Bob has really gotten him.  He really has changed.
1--He sure has.  I canít remember the last time he came to a game.
(both stand up and simulate the ďwaveĒ)
2--He even asked me if I wanted to buy the rest of his tickets.
1--What did you say?
2--I told him that I wouldnít help him make such a big mistake.  Someday heíll come to his senses and then heíll thank me.
1--Youíre a good friend.  But, ya know, Iím thinking he just may not be worth it.
2--How do ya mean?
1--Well, you know that Iím a good Christian, right?
2--Well sure you are!
1--And I know you are.
1--But all Martin wants to do is talk about Jesus. To be honest with you I think heís kinda possessed..
2--I hear ya.  And then he had the nerve to say he would rather worship Jesus instead of  worshipping the things we worship.
Together--OHHHHHHH YES,  WHAT A PLAY! (both stand with arms over heads and bow down repeatedly)
1--(sitting) What do you think he meant by that?
2--I havenít the slightest idea.  He also says that he likes spending more time with his family now.
1--Oh like we donít.  Just the other day I was talking to my kid, I says ďTommy . . .
2--Your son's name is Johnny.
1--Oh, right.  I says, ďJohnny someday Iíll take you to a gameĒ.
2--You mean a pro game?
1--Oh no, a high school game.  But Iíll still be spending time with him.  Wonít I?
2--I just have one thing to say to you, mister.
2--Youíre a good dad!
2--Youíre welcome.  But Martin, how can he call himself a good father when he drags his kids to church every Sunday morning even during football season.  And I donít know how his wife can stand him.
1--Really, I know my wife would hate it if I paid that much attention to her.  Ya know he buys her flowers?
2--Yeah, I heard.  He doesnít even watch the away games anymore!
2--Thatís what Iím told.  You canít talk to him about it.  Itís all God, God, God to Martin these days.
1--That guy sure has his priorities screwed up!
2--He sure does.
1--Iím glad we are normal.
2--(yelling at field)  Holding?  Are you nuts?  Iím going to remember you mister.  I got your number.  Iíll be waiting for you after the game.
1--Donít get yourself arrested again.
2--Hey, I do what I have to do.  Not like Martin.  Heís some sort of Christian robot.
1--He is controlled!
2--No mind of his own.
(both stand and do the wave again)
1--Ya know Ron I hate to say it, but . . .
1--I think Martin is some sort of fanatic!
(lights fade)
 © 6/96, Walt Scheiman, all rights reserved.
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