Phone Chat

By John Cosper, jr.


By the time a phone conversation has passed through four hands, the message gets pretty distorted.



(The stage is set up with a phone on either side of the stage. Ashley, Jessica, and Elizabeth talk on the phone stage right, and the others use the stage left phone. Ashley is alone on stage. She picks up the phone and dials. Stephanie enters, answers the other phone.)


ASH- Stephanie? Hi, it's Ashley.

STEPHANIE- Hi, Ashley.

ASH- You are never gonna believe this, but guess who came over tonight? Brian Spencer!


ASH- He did!

STEPHANIE- How did this happen?

ASH- He just showed up on my door step last night with his dog. Said he was out walking his dog and thought he would stop by.

STEPHANIE- He brought Spike over?

ASH- Uh huh.

STEPHANIE- He's so cute.

ASH- Brian?

STEPHANIE- No, Spike. Though Brian's cute, too. So how did it happen?

ASH- I dunno. We talked for a long time about all kinds of things. Movies, school, college, dating.


ASH- Then when he got up to leave, I gave him a hug, and...he kissed me!

STEPHANIE- No way! On the lips!

ASH- On the lips!

STEPHANIE- I can't believe it! Brian Spencer kissed you! I bet he's going to ask you to the dance.

ASH- I hope so.

STEPHANIE- Oops. I've got a beep. Can you hold on a second?

ASH- Sure.

(Stephanie clicks over. Askley exits. Jessica enters.)


JESSICA- Hey, Steph, what's up?

STEPHANIE- I've got Ashley on the other line. Guess what? Brian Spencer kissed her!

JESSICA- Shut up! You're lying!

STEPHANIE- No I'm not!

JESSICA- How did it happen?

STEPHANIE- He was walking his dog and stopped in to see her and it just sorta happened.

JESSICA- How did it happen? She must have said something to him.

STEPHANIE- Nothing. He just popped her one.

JESSICA- (in shock) Wow.

STEPHANIE- Isn't that crazy?

JESSICA- I'll say.

STEPHANIE- Look, I'll call you right back when I get off with her, okay?

JESSICA- Sure. Bye.

(The girls hang up, Stephanie exits. Jessica dials a number. Lauren answers.)

LAUREN- Hello?

JESSICA- Lauren! It's Jessica. Guess what I heard? Brian Spencer hit Ashley.

LAUREN- (horrified) What?

JESSICA- Stephanie's talking to her right now. He went over with his dog and just whacked her!

LAUREN- I can't believe that! Brian? She liked him! How could he be such a jerk?

JESSICA- No kidding. (looks at watch) Whoa! Lauren, I gotta let you go. Melrose is coming on.

LAUREN- It's a re-run.

JESSICA- I know, but it's one I haven't seen. I'll call you later.



(The girls hang up. Jessica exits. Lauren dials on the phone. Elizabeth answers.)


LAUREN- Elizabeth? It's Lauren.

ELIZABETH- Hey, Lauren, what's up?

LAUREN- Are you sitting down?

ELIZABETH- Why? Did something happen?

LAUREN- You'll never believe it. Brian Spencer and his dog beat up Ashley tonight.

ELIZABETH- He did what?

LAUREN- He took his dog over there and just attacked her from what I was told.

ELIZABETH- Why would he do that?

LAUREN- I don't know. I told him just the other day that Ashley kind of liked him.

ELIZABETH- What did he say?

LAUREN- I kind of thought he liked her too. I guess I was wrong.

ELIZABETH- The jerk. Look, I'm gonna give her a call and see if she's okay.

LAUREN- Do that. I'm calling Shelly and Cara to go egg the jerk's house.

(The girls hang up. Lauren exits. Elizabeth dials a phone number. Ashley answers.)

ASHLEY- Hello?

ELIZABETH- Uh, Ashley?

ASHLEY- Oh, hey, Elizabeth!

ELIZABETH- (sighs) How are you doing?

ASHLEY- Me? I'm having a wonderful night.

ELIZABETH- (thinks she's being sarcastic) Yeah, I heard.

ASHLEY- You did?

ELIZABETH- I just want you to know that I'm here if you need someone to talk to.


ELIZABETH- I mean what ever might happen, I'm there, okay?

ASHLEY- Sure. Okay.

ELIZABETH- Did you call the police?


ELIZABETH- After it happened. Did you call the police on Brian?

ASHLEY- Why would I do that?

ELIZABETH- He can't just do that to you and get away with it!

ASHLEY- Hey, I let him get away with it.

ELIZABETH- What for?

ASHLEY- I wanted him to do it!

ELIZABETH- You wanted him to do it? I can't believe what I'm hearing.

ASHLEY- I can't believe you're so upset about this.

ELIZABETH- Of course I'm upset! I'm one of your best friends!

ASHLEY- (pause, then getting upset) You're jealous!


ASHLEY- Yeah, jealous! You're upset because he did it to me and not you!

ELIZABETH- What are you talking about? I would never let a guy do that to me.

ASHLEY- You're gonna lead an awfully lonely life if you don't.

ELIZABETH- Well, excuse me, Ashley, but you must be the most desperate girl in the world to go out with a guy who would beat you with his dog!

ASHLEY- (long pause) A guy who would do what?


© John Cosper Jr
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