By Kenny Blade
Jimmy has a very convoluted explanation for how come a shirt has a burn hole. Theme: The importance of personal responsibility.
(Scene opens with Jimm sitting watching TV. Mother comes in carrying a shirt, obviously restraining her anger)
Jimmy: Yes, mom.
Mother: How did this new dress shirt get a hole in it.
Jimmy: Don't look at me. It wasn't my fault.
Mother: I didn't ask you if you did it. I asked if you knew how it got a hole burned through it.
Jimmy: It caught fire.
Mother: (Trying to remain calm) … and how did it catch fire?
Jimmy: 'Cause of the comic books.
Mother: The comic books?
Jimmy: Yes, ma'am. I sold Lonnie some of my Plasma-Man comic books.
Mother: I didn't know you had any Plasma-Man comic books.
Jimmy: I don't. I borrowed them from Denny.
Mother: If you borrowed them from your brother, how did you sell them to Lonnie?
Jimmy: I sorta didn't tell him I was selling them.
Jimmy: Ok. I didn't tell him at all. Thing is, I couldn't.
Mother: Why is that?
Jimmy: He deserved it. I was getting revenge because he took my CDs without asking.
Mother: So, of course, you couldn't get him back unless you actually stole them and sold them.
Mother: Let's get back to the shirt. I'm still unclear as to how the stolen comic books figure into the burn in the shirt.
Jimmy: It's simple really. Lonnie got mad because I bought cigarettes and beer with the money, even though I had to.
Mother: (loudly) You did what?
Jimmy: I bought cigarettes and beer.
Mother: I heard you! What were you thinking? What do you mean you had to? You know we don't permit that kind of behavior!
Jimmy: Mom… I didn't drink or smoke.
Mother: So why did you buy them?
Jimmy: To pay Tim back.
Mother: Who is Tim?
Jimmy: He's the tire changer at the Pizza and Lube shop on the corner by the comic book shop.
Mother: (Trying again to be calm) Let's slow down a minute here. How were you able to buy beer and cigarettes at 15 without getting arrested and what were you paying Tim back for?
Jimmy: It's really not all that complicated. I met Tim at the comic book store. He was on break from his job next door. He saw the Plasma-man comic books I had. I was going to sell them to the comic book store, but he told me that they were worth a lot more than the store was offering.
Mother: I thought you sold them to Lonnie.
Jimmy: I did. I was talking to Tim and he said he had a cousin who would pay top dollar for the comic books. You'll never guess who his cousin is.
Jimmy: No. Juliano, the guy with the handlebar mustache that flips pizza dough in the window at the Pizza and Lube.
Mother: So how did Lonnie wind up with the comic books?
Jimmy: Well, Juliano said he already had the issues I took from Denny, but his neighbor's doctor's plumber's third cousin on his mother's side is guess who?
Jimmy: Naw. Lonnie's next door neighbor, Mrs Wetwhistle. Her son had been talking to Lonnie and he told her that Lonnie wanted to buy them. Small world, ain't it?
Mother: Yeah. Small world. That still doesn't answer the question of how you were able to buy the stuff in the first place and what you were paying Tim back for.
Jimmy: Tim got me the fake ID.
Mother: The fake ID? Let me guess. To buy the beer and cigarettes.
Jimmy: No, but I have to admit, the fake ID helped in the convenience store.
Mother: Forget it. I don't even want to know why you wanted the fake ID. (sits down) OK. I know why you stole the comic books, why you bought the beer and cigarettes, who Tim is, how Lonnie got the comic books… I even know the pizza flipper guy is a comic book aficionado. Before I have a nervous breakdown, please tell me how all this has anything to do with the hole in the shirt.
Jimmy: Like I said, It's really very simple. Mother: I'm listening.
Jimmy: I stole the comic books to get back at Denny for taking my CDs without asking. Tim, the guy next door to the comic shop where I went to try and sell the comic books introduced me to his cousin who knew that his neighbor's doctor's plumber's third cousin was my friend Lonnie's next door neighbor Mrs Wetwhistle, whose son knew that Lonnie wanted to buy the comic books. You think he woulda just told me, huh? I used that money to buy beer and cigarettes to pay Tim back for the fake ID that he got for me so I could…
Mother: I told you I don't want to know what the fake ID was for. We'll deal with that later.
Jimmy: OK. So on the way home from Lonnie's I found a really cool piece of glass while I was hiding in the bushes from the cops.
Mother: The cops!
Jimmy: Yeah. The guy at the convenience store knew somebody who knew a guy who knows a girl I go to school with and they got to talking and he discovered I was under-aged so he called the cops.
Mother: I think I'm going to faint.
Jimmy: So anyways, I ran from the ditch by the freeway to our back yard and hid between the two clotheslines we have in the back yard. That's how the shirt got burned.
Jimmy: Yeah. I was holding the cool piece of glass I found up to the sun looking at it at an angle. Turns out, the glass came out of a magnifying glass and the sun reflecting through the glass onto the shirt hanging on the line…
Mother: … burned a hole in the shirt.
Jimmy: Exactly. So you see, when you think about it, it really wasn't my fault at all. It's just one of those freak accidents.
Mother: Freak accident? Son, this was no freak accident. I sincerely hope that a real lesson has been learned here about sin and personal responsibility.
Jimmy: You're right, Mom. I think I know someone who really has learned a hard lesson here today. (gets up to leave)
Mother: Where are you going?
Jimmy: To talk to Denny.
Mother: I'm so proud of you. You're going to apologize to your brother.
Jimmy: Apologize? For what? I was just going to tell him that he should be ashamed of himself.
Mother: For what?
Jimmy: For causing all of this by borrowing my CDs without asking!
(Scene ends with Jimmy walking off stage and mother burying her head in her hands)
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