Worry Works Wonders

By Susan Irvine

Summary:	Albie A. Worrywart, financial advisor is here today to help you with all your financial worries. His motto: ‘Worry works wonders’. At his invitation, various worried people come up to the microphone to be advised on the advantages of worrying and signing up for his financial package.

Characters:	Albie A. Worry wart – smarmy, confident speaker
		Mother – large family, carries a baby, worried about household costs
		Student –  worried about student fees, debt
		Person – unwell, worried about health and its effects

Dress:		Albie A. Worrywart – suit, tie, gelled hair
		Mother – hurriedly but tidily dressed
		Student – whatever is typical!
		Person – casual

Script

( Enter Albie A. Worrywart. Always addresses audience with an enthusiastic voice and a warm, if smarmy smile. Other characters should be in different parts of the audience and make their way to the microphone in time to say their lines without any breaks.)

Worrywart: 	Good morning and welcome to Worry Managers financial planning seminar. (Points to screen or white board ‘Worry Managers Financial Planning Seminar” and a graph of some kind) I’m Albie A. Worrywart and I’m here to facilitate a proactive and positive approach to meeting your every financial need. 
Now I’m sure I don’t need to remind you good people about our country’s alarming financial state of affairs. There is not enough money to support our schools, our hospitals, and no matter how much tax the government sucks out of us there will be absolutely nothing left over to support you in your vulnerable and fragile retirement years.  There is no hope. [Pause] Did I say no hope? Well, perhaps there is one hope – and what is that hope? Worry! Yes financially troubled individuals that is our one hope – worry! Our motto here at Worry Managers is ‘Worry works wonders’! (Points to screen/whiteboard as the message comes up. This stays on for the rest of the drama) It’s worry that motivates us to stay awake at nights. It’s worry that creates trembling hands and sweaty palms as we open that bank statement. It’s worry that sends us out to buy new batteries for a calculator that is obviously faulty. Worry works wonders! What does worry do folks? Let’s say it all together now – Worry works wonders! One more time – let me hear that worry! – Worry works wonders!! 
Now there is a microphone set up here so you financially troubled people can share your worries with me. Don’t be shy now! Of course I know one question you’re asking is what are some of the wonders that worry can work? Well here at Worry Managers we have a series of wonderful packages aimed at managing all kinds of worry. [Sincerely] Of course, I’m not here to sell you anything. I’m not here to take your money. I’m here to help you manage your worry with wonders such as mortgage insurance, car insurance, house insurance, superannuation insurance, life insurance, unemployment insurance……

Mother: 	[Interrupting] Insurance?? I don’t worry about insurance. I’m worried about the increasing costs of milk and vegetables when I’m trying to feed a family of 6. What wonder do you have to fix that worry?

Worrywart: 	Why madam the answer is simple – buy shares in a supermarket. You’ll be rolling in dough before you can say ‘Worry works wonders’! Next question.

Student: 	I’m a student and I’m very worried about my financial future. I’m even starting to have panic attacks about it.

Worrywart: 	Good, good....

Student: 	It doesn’t feel very good.

Worrywart: 	Haven’t you been listening? Worry works wonders! Now you’ve reached that panic stage only just in time. If you start putting aside regular amounts of money every week, you should have just enough to live on by the time you’re 65.

Student: 	65! I’m worried about being 25. I’m worried about my growing student debt; about rent going up; about the cost of next year’s fees. Have Worry Managers got a wonder that will work for me?

Worrywart: 	It just so happens that we do have the wonder for you.

Student: 	[Hopefully] You do??

Worrywart: 	Oh yes. Our travel agency ‘Winceat House of Travel’ can book you on a plane the very second you’ve finished your degree. Let Winceat House of Travel whisk you away from all those debts you wince at. May I also suggest that you invest in our Premier Worrywart travel insurance policy?
Next question.

Person: 	Hi. I’m unemployed and on a sickness benefit. It’s a hard struggle for me and my family. I worry about it a lot so I’m very interested in your wonderful worry free health insurance.

Worrywart: 	Hmmmm. Sick you say. How sick?	

Person: 	My heart’s not very good. So what can you do for me?

Worrywart: 	Ahhh…nothing

Person: 	Nothing??

Worrywart: 	No I’m sorry. You should have worried more when you were fit and healthy, shouldn’t you. (Back to talking to audience) This is what I’m saying to people. Don’t leave it too late to worry. You may think you don’t have any worries but I’m here to say you are WRONG. What does it take to survive in this commercially driven, financially oriented, wonderfully materialistic world? Worry! You may not have as much money as you want - what can you do – Worry! You may never have as much money as you want – what can you do – Worry!  
Folks, we’ve run out of time but remember tackle life positively! Be proactive! And remember our motto here at Worry Managers – all together now – just one more time – WORRY WORKS WONDERS!! 

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© Susan Irvine (Dunedin City Baptist) September 2001
All rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged.
In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed. Our drama group can be contacted at the following address: Caradii@xtra.co.nz