Stan: (Looking at his watch) Letís see - it's almost time for my 9 A.M. appointment. (Checking his clipboard.) Today I have a fellow by the name of Rosco P. Harter. Sounds like an interesting name. I wonder what heís like?
Rosco: (Running in all excited. He is carrying one golf club. He reaches out to shake Stanís hand.) Hi Coach! Rosco P. Harter is the name and I here to learn all there is about the game of golf.
Stan: Itís nice to meet you Rosco. I do have a question for you, though. Where are the rest of your golf clubs?
Rosco: I donít need more than one. When I play hockey; I only use one stick. And when I play baseball, I only use one bat. So I figure when I play golf, Iíll only need one club.
Stan: I see. It sounds like you are quite the athlete. Well, letís get started. Today we are going to begin with the basics of the game. We are going to look at the grip, the stance, addressing the ball and the swing. There are many other aspects of the game, but we will cover those in our future lessons. Remember, the only way to be successful is to begin with the basics. Sound OK to you?
Rosco: Whatever you say. Youíre the coach!
Stan: Good. Why donít you show me your grip?
Rosco: (Rosco grabs his golf club with his hands spread apart. Using his club like a hockey stick, he pretends to skate around and takes a slap shot. As he goes through the motions he says:) Rosco gets the puck at center ice. He skates in on the goalie. Itís one on one. Rosco shoots. He scores!! (Rosco dances around)
Stan: Very interesting. That grip might work in hockey, but it wonít work for golf. (Stan shows Rosco the different golf grips). In golf there are three basic grips used. The over lap. The interlock. Or the baseball grip.
Rosco: (He fumbles trying the first two. Stan has to show him how to place his fingers. Finally he tries the baseball grip). The first two felt real weird. I think Iíll stay with the good old baseball grip. Thatís the kind a real man would use.
Stan: OK. Whatever you are comfortable using. Now let me see your stance.
Rosco: (Rosco grabs his club like a baseball bat. He digs in at home plate, checking his stance. As he is digging in he says:) Itís the bottom of the ninth. Two outs and the bases are loaded. Three Ė two count and down by three runs. The pitcher delivers the ball. Rosco swings and hits one deep to left. Itís going Ö going Ö gone. Rosco has hit a grand slam home run to win the game. (After hitting the ball he pretends to round the bases.) He gives Stan a high five and says: Howís that for a great stance?
Stan: (Starting to get a little irritated with his student). Great if youíre in the World Series, but you're going to be on a golf course. Let me show you a proper golf stance. (Stan is opposite him so Rosco can mirror Stan). You need to put your feet about should width apart. Bend your knees slightly. Extend your arms. That looks pretty good. Now Iíd like you to walk over and address the ball.
Rosco: (Walking over to a whiffle ball that is teed up. He slowly circles the ball) HELLO BALL!!
Stan: (He is starting to loose his patience). NO! NO! NO! You donít say hello to the ball. To address it, you take your stance next to it and prepare to hit it. Got it?
Rosco: OK! OK! Relax a little. (He goes to the ball and addresses it the proper way.) He checks his grip and stance and says: Howís this look coach?
Stan: It looks good. Now I want you to hit the ball. Just relax. Keep your eye on the ball and when you're ready hit it. Remember the most important thing is to hit the ball. Donít miss it. All set?
Rosco:Yep. (Rosco checks his grip and stance again. Keeping his head down and his eye on the ball he raises his club straight up and smashes the ball down into the ground).
Stan: (Yelling at Rosco.) What are you doing?
Rosco: Just what you said. I kept my eye on the ball and made sure that I hit it.
Stan: (Still agitated but not yelling.) You're supposed to hit it down the fairway, not down in the ground. Now get set and try it again.
Rosco: Whatever you say coach. (After he tees up a ball, he addresses it and checks his grip and stance. He takes a nice swing and hits the ball out in the distance.) Not a bad shot, huh coach?
Stan: (Beginning to shake.) Not bad at all. The only problem is the fairway is in the other direction.
Rosco: (Putting his hand on Stanís shoulder). Stan, Stan, Stan. Does that really matter? I mean as long as you hit a good shot, who cares where it goes. Right?
Stan: I guess you're right, Rosco. I guess you're right. (Looking at his watch) I see that we are out of time for today. Make sure you practise everything we covered. (Reaching for a bottle of aspirin.)
Rosco: You got it coach! Iíll see you next week. (Rosco puts his club over his shoulder and exits whistling.)
Stan: (Takes some aspirin out of the bottle). Not if I can help it.
Copyright John & Joanne Miller, all rights reserved.
This script may be performed free of charge, provided no charge is made for entrance or for programmes. In return, the authors would like to be notified of any performance. For further information regarding performance rights, they may be contacted at: NIJWMiller@aol.com.