A Good Deal

by Joanne Miller


The George Churns & Gracie Kallen show, on which Gracie buys a car at the mall.  The ďsalesmanĒ tells her itís a car show with only one car left and she needs to pay cash to get this great deal.  Gracie hears a police siren at the end of the sketch.


George Churns
Gracie Kallen


George: (George comes on stage with a cup of coffee) Good evening, Ladies & Gentlemen. Welcome to the George Churns and Gracie Kallen show.  My  wife is supposed to be here with me this evening but she seems to be late. You gentlemen will understand when I tell you I did a very dangerous,    perhaps even foolhardy, thing today.  I let my wife go to the mall all by    herself.  Sheís been gone for several hours now.

Gracie:  (Coming in from back of auditorium with a small bag in hand) Oh, George,    George!  Here I am!  Am I late?  Time seems to just slip away when    youíre at the mall with a charge card.

George: Yes, youíre late, Gracie, but come on up here.  Here she is, folks, my wife    Gracie.  Say hello, Gracie.

Gracie:  Hello, Gracie.

George: So, youíve been gone for a very long time.  What did you buy?

Gracie:  Youíll be happy to know that I only bought two things, George.

George: That does make me happy, Gracie.   What did you buy?

Gracie:  First I bought this pair of socks.

George: Socks.  Thatís good.

Gracie:  And they were on sale, too, for half price.

George: Thatís very good.  How much?

Gracie:  $1.29.

George: I like the sound of this shopping trip.  What else did you buy?

Gracie:  A car.
George: (Chokes on coffee) A car??

Gracie:  Thatís right.

George: How can you buy a car at the mall?

Gracie:  The salesman said something about a car show.

George: Oh, they had a car show at the mall.

Gracie:  So, you knew about it too!

George: No, Gracie.  Oh, never mind.  What kind of car did you buy?

Gracie:  Well, you know how Iíve always dreamed of owning a red vintage     mustang with white leather seats and the little mustang imprinted on the    leather?

George: Yes, so you bought a mustang.

Gracie:  I would have but they didnít have one.

George: So what did you buy?

Gracie:  A little yellow car.

George: (George echoes her) A little yellow car.

Gracie:  Thatís right.

George: What kind of car is it?

Gracie:  Itís a convertible.

George: A convertible.

Gracie:  Yes.

George: What year is it?

Gracie:  Why, itís 1999.  It has been since January, George.  You should know that    by now.

George: No, no, Gracie.  I mean what year is the car?

Gracie:  Oh.  Itís a new one Ė year 2,000!
George: You bought a brand new car?

Gracie:  Yes, I did, but it does have a few miles on it Ė 3,208.3 miles to be exact.

George: So itís a demonstrator.

Gracie:  I donít think so.  It seemed pretty peaceable to me.

George: What I mean is it was probably a company car.

Gracie:  No.  It was all by itself.

George: Letís move on here, Gracie.  What kind of options does it have?

Gracie:  None.

George: None!

Gracie:  Donít be silly, George.  A car doesnít have choices.

George: You have a point there, Gracie.  Does it have air conditioning?

Gracie:  Yes.  Manual air conditioning.

George: Manual?

Gracie:  Yes, the salesman said it works like this.  (She pretends to roll window    down.)

George: Does it have white sidewalls?

Gracie:  Of course not, George.  Its sides are yellow just like its hood and trunk.

George: Of course.  Is it automatic?

Gracie:  No.  You have to drive it.

George: How much did you pay for this little yellow convertible?

Gracie:  Well thatís what took me so long, George.

George: It is?

Gracie:  Yes.  I had to pay cash.

George: Cash?
Gracie:  Yes and all the banks were closed this afternoon.  I had to go all over town   to dozens of stores to cash enough checks to get $3,500 in cash.

George: You bought a brand new convertible for $3,500 cash?

Gracie:  A good deal, huh, George?

George: A very good deal.  Almost too good to be true.

Gracie:  I know.  I was very lucky.

George: How many cars were at this car show, Gracie?

Gracie:  Oh, I got the last one.  The salesman told me thereíd been 100s of them    there in the morning, though.

George: Was this car inside the mall, Gracie?

Gracie:  Of course not, George.  It was out in the parking lot where it belonged.

George: Did the salesman give you the title?

Gracie:  Of course, he did.

George: Good.  Where is it?

Gracie:  You mean what is it.  He said the title is Chrysler Sebring.

George: Gracie, do you realize that you just bought a hot car?

Gracie:  No, I didnít, George.  I left the top down so it would be cool.  Is that a    police siren I hear?

George: Say good night, Gracie.  (He takes her hand & pulls her offstage as she    says:

Gracie:  Good night, Gracie.

Copyright John & Joanne Miller, all rights reserved.
This script may be performed free of charge, provided no charge is made for entrance or for programmes. In return, the authors would like to be notified of any performance. For further information regarding performance rights, they may be contacted at: joannesmiller65@gmail.com.