The Backroom Boys

By Chris Wyatt


While God created the heavens and the earth in six days, the assistance of thousands of backroom staff goes unsung.




(Scene: Dry ice on the floor, clouds. There are some white, cloud-shaped work benches. Angels in white with wings are working away. But they have on brown coats (like furniture removers) with gaps in the back so their wings stick through.)

Henry: There, finished.

Neil: What's that?

Henry: It's a fly.

Neil: A fly? What does it do?

Henry: Well, ot sort of ... flies.

Neil: Does it bite anybody?

Henry: Not really.

Neil: What's the point of it?

Henry: Well, it's quite nice. Better than your vulture.

Neil: (To Eric) Have you finished those wasps yet?

Eric: No. I can't get the antlers to stick on.

Neil: Well, lose the antlers. Just give it wings.

Eric: Wings! that's a good idea. These wheels are dreadful.

Neil: We'll never get this lot finished in time. Why didn't you make the wombat like you were supposed to? Flies?

Henry: (stroking them) They're nice.

David: (Entering) Hello.

Neil: (raising his eyes) Oh, hello.

David: Guess what I've just made.

Eric: A sperm whale.

David: That was yesterday.

Eric: What then?

David: A swallow.

Eric: What does it do?

David: Well, it eats flies.

Henry: It eats my flies!?

David: What do you mean, your flies?

Henry: Well, I've just made these flies.

David: There's a chap next door already made flies.

Henry: Oh, good grief.

David: That's not a fly, that's a hornet. Urgh. You nasty-minded little angel.

Henry: Lay off.

Neil: Eric!?

Eric: Yeah?

Neil: Every time I screw the legs on the horse, the back goes up.

Eric: Just call it a camel, then.

Neil: Right-O.

Henry: Look out - the Supervisor.

Supervisor: Everything going all right, chaps.

Eric: Er, yes, thanks Mr Gabriel.

Supervisor: What's that dreadful smell?

Eric: It's Nobby. He can't get those fish to breathe and they are going off.

Supervisor: Well, throw them in a bucket of water or something.

Eric: Hey, that's an idea. Neil?

Neil: Yeah?

Eric: What if we stick those fish in water?

Neil: They'd drown.

Eric: Not if you took the legs off.

Neil: Who ever heard of legless fish?

David: Is there any way we can get an extension, Mr Gabriel? An extra day?

Supervisor: Sorry lads, six days it is. The seventh day's for resting. It's a union thing.

Eric: I never knew we had a union.

Supervisor: It's the boss's idea.

Henry: Well, he's got a point. I mean, last night I had to finish off the alligator because Nobby was called away to work on Japan. I had to design a lizard, I had to put a tuck in the frog, and I still had to find colours fro the zebras.

Eric: Black and white stripes!? They were supposed to be pink.

Henry: I was tired.

David: Mr Gabriel!?

Supervisor: Yes?

David: You know like eternity is for ever.

Supervisor: Yes.

David: 'ow come we've only got six days to do this job?

Supervisor: We're hoping for another order.

Eric: Hey, has he got that man-thing started yet?

Supervisor: He's gooing to breathe in his nostrils straight after lunch.

Eric: Eurggh!

Neil: I don't think that man is a good idea.

David: I've got an idea for that man, Mr Gabriel.

Supervisor: What is it?

David: Well, if we took out one of his ribs, and knocked through and made it good, we could make him a woman.

Eric: What's that?

David: Well, it's something to play with.

Eric: What do they do?

David: I thought they might ....(whispers in Eric's ear).

Eric: We'd never get away with that. What else do they do?

Henry: I've made him a nice little snake to keep him company, Mr Gabriel.

(All freeze)

Voice over: So it was that Angel Robinson was responsible for the fall of man and the introduction of evil into the world.

Supervisor: All right, who made the snake? It's made the woman pick the apple, and that's blown everything.

Eric: Why didn't you make a dog?

Henry: (Pouting) A man's best friend is a snake.


© Chris Wyatt, All rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged. In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed. He may be contacted at: