By Christin Kuck
Mulder is convinced that the thanksgiving turkey reveals another case of alien invasion.
Additional extras (non-speaking)
Props: Pilgrim statues, Thanksgiving card
Costumes: Scully and Mulder are wearing trench coats
(Scene opens with the sounds of a televised football game. Scully and Mulder enter stage cautiously, looking over shoulders.)
Scully: Mulder, why are we here?
Mulder: (Walks over to the table) We're too late.
Scully: What do you mean?
Mulder: Look at the turkey carcase, Scully.
Scully: The turkey carcase?
Mulder: Another sacrifice.
Mulder: This turkey. Can't you see what they did to this turkey?
Scully: They cooked it.
Mulder: Exactly. And then they picked it to the bone. (Points to people on the couch) And look at these people. I think they've been drugged.
Scully: They've been drugged? How?
Mulder: (Sniffs Turkey carcass) There must have been enough tryptophan in this turkey to take down a two-ton elephant.
Scully: Tryptophan... Mulder, tryptophan occurs naturally in turkey. That's why you feel sleepy after you've eaten it.
Mulder: Exactly. Look, they gorged themselves, Scully. They fed without remorse.
Scully: They ate dinner!
Mulder: Yes! The mashed potatoes and gravy. The stuffing. Oh no! Pumpkin pie! The Horror! They didn't stand a chance!
Scully: Are you crazy?
Mulder: (Grabs Pilgrim Statues) I think these have something to do with it.
Scully: What are you talking about?
Mulder: Every time I've investigated one of these scenes, I've found these statues. I think they represent aliens. Don't they look strange to you? I think they're getting ready for a mass invasion. That's why these poor people have been drugged.
Scully: Wait a minute, Mulder. Are you talking about the Pilgrims?
Mulder: You've heard of them?
Scully: These weren't invading aliens. They were from England.
Mulder: Oh no! How horrible!
Mulder: Listen to me, Scully. We're all being lulled into believing a lie. It's a government conspiracy.
Scully: It's a government holiday. Haven't you heard of Thanksgiving?
Scully: Yeah! If you hadn't dragged me half way across the country on this wild goose chase, I'd be celebrating at my mom's house with my own stuffed turkey!
Mulder: Oh no. Don't tell me they've gotten to you, too.
Scully: Gotten to me... Man, you need a vacation.
Mulder: No! You've got to listen to me, or you'll end up like one of them. (points to couch)
Scully: Mulder, these people are thanking God for all he's provided them. Haven't you ever heard of Thanksgiving? Where did your parents keep you when you were growing up? In a closet?
Mulder: I don't want to talk about that.
Scully: (Picks up Thanksgiving card from end table and reads) God bless you as you celebrate all the Lord has given you this year. Aunt Bertha and Uncle Joey.
Mulder: Aunt Bertha... Uncle Joey... Oh these poor people. The whole world is in on it. Don't you see?
Scully: They're thanking God. Thanksgiving. Get it! The Pilgrims came to this country for religious freedom. The native Americans helped them to survive the first year, and so they held a great big feast to THANK GOD. GET IT!
Mulder: Are you sure?
Scully: Come on. Let's get out of here before these people wake up and have us arrested for trespassing.
Scully: I think I know of a good diner where I can introduce you to some cranberry sauce, and the story of Thanksgiving.
© Copyright Christin J. Kuck 2000. All rights reserved.
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