False Expectations

by Glenn A. Hascall


An easy to perform sketch for Valentine's Day that demonstrates (in over-the-top fashion) how much we can misread another person and come to have false expectations about someone you date. May be a reminder to married couples about their own false expectations in marriage.


A man and woman on stage (No speaking parts) Male and female voices off stage will speak for the on-stage couple.


A young man and women (High school to late 20's) sit in chairs side by side and pretend to watch a movie in a theater. They display obvious signs of affection while other direction is included in script. The voices for the  characters should come from off stage as if to demonstrate what they are thinking (Slight reverb ads the desired effect). On stage actors
should respond accordingly.
NOTE: One way to add to the humor is to have a middle age couple on stage as the actors, and teenagers off-stage providing their voices in thought.


(The couple walk on stage; the man smiles and points to the two chairs and they sit down.)
MAN: She's kinda pretty. (Pause) I've dated worse.
WOMAN: He's not at all the kind of guy mom would like. (Pause and smile) He'll do just fine.
MAN: Yeah, this could be kind of fun for a while.
WOMAN: I wonder what his annual net worth is.
MAN: Have some laughs, you know - nothing serious. (Startled as he pretends to look at the movie screen) Wait a minute what kind of movie is this?
WOMAN: I wonder if he could be the one?
MAN: (Looks disgusted) A chick flick? I should have known it. (Pause) You know, I bet she's a cat lover, too.
WOMAN: (Looks as if she is in a fairy tale) A nice house in the suburbs, two-car garage. A nice SUV for the kids and me (Pause) and the cat.
MAN: (Frowns) She probably wouldn't like my German Shepherd.
WOMAN: And for our tenth anniversary he'll take me to a tropical island.
MAN: (Inches away from her slightly) She probably doesn't even like the WWF.
WOMAN: (Gets misty-eyed) He'll take me out to nice restaurants and date me like he did before we were married and I'll remember this night for the rest of my life.
MAN: (Slightly panicked look on face) I think I need to use the rest room.
WOMAN: I didn't notice it before, but he looks a bit like Mel Gibson. (Pause) It says a lot about a guy that he'd come to a movie like this. He must really be sensitive.
MAN: Why did I ever agree to go out with her. I don't even like chick flicks - all that emotional boohoo-in. I'd rather be skiing - or in the bathroom. Watching paint dry would be an improvement!
WOMAN: I can just see it now. I'll play Cinderella to his Prince Charming.
MAN: (Rolls eyes) Is this show ever going to end? Come on, they all end the same - they guy gets the girl and they live happily ever after - except for severe in-law problems. Yada - yada - yada.
WOMAN: We'll be together forever.
MAN: I think it's time to use that, "hey-I-think-we-should-be-just-friends" speech. (Tastes popcorn and makes a disgusted face) She's just not my type. (Pause) neither is this popcorn. (Offers her the popcorn)
WOMAN: (Accepts the popcorn with veiled excitement) Don't get too excited, but if he's willing to share his popcorn... (Short giggle and then leave the thought unsaid).
MAN: (Moves mouth as if trying to get rid of a bad taste) Buttered cardboard would have to taste better than that. (Looks at woman in surprise) She likes it?
WOMAN: (Stifled yelp) Did you see that? I think that was a look that promised 2.3 children and private schooling. Possibly a beachfront condominium.(Rests her head on his shoulder) This is the greatest night of my life.
MAN: (Uncomfortable) Could things possibly get worse? (Pause as a look of relief washes over the actors face) Finally the movie's over.
(Couple stands up and these last lines are said by the actors on stage)
WOMEN ON STAGE: This was fun. I had a really good time.
WOMAN OFF STAGE: I wonder how many rooms our house will have.
MAN ON STAGE: Yeah, it was great.
MAN OFF STAGE: (Said as on stage actors walk off) In a root-canal sort of way.
Fade to black

Copyright 2003 by Glenn A. Hascall
Should you use this script, would you be so kind as to let us know? glenn.hascall<a>gmail.com