Style: Lighthearted. Duration: 5min.
Actors: 1M, 1M/F
Rita (TV anchorwoman)
Rex (crazy stuntman)
Rita Reason: Hello, everyone, I am Rita Reason coming to you high above the city where my guest Rex Crashmore will be attempting his latest stunt. Rex, how are you?
Rex: Outstanding Rita. The sky is clear, the sun is shining and it is a wonderful day to defy death.
(Rita rolls her eyes)
Rita: Uh great, Rex. Now before we talk about your past, let’s talk about what you are doing here today. Ladies and gentleman, today Rex is going to attempt to beak the world record for highest bungee jump over a populated area.
Rex: (interrupts) Correction Rita, the world’s record of highest FLAMING bungee jump over a populated area. Today I will be jumping from 15,000 ft on fire and I will be SNAPPED back by my cord when I am a mere 2 inches from the ground.
Rita: (looking in disbelief) O.k.……So, Rex how did you get into stuntman work, did you have to take training courses on how to do stunts?
Rex: (Arrogantly) Oh of course not …I learned everything from the internet
Rita: I see, so how many stunts you have done so far
Rex: Six. My first stunt I tried to jump 7 Ford Festivas on a motorized Razor scooter.
Rita: How’d that go for you?
Rex: Not well. I forgot one detail that led to a crash.
Rita: That was…..
Rex: The landing ramp. I broke 15 bones on that crash.
Rita: (Horrified) How many bones HAVE you broken.
Rex: Well technically 205, because that’s how many the human body has. But most of them I’ve broken 3 or 4 times. Did you know I can point at the sky AND the ground at the same time with ONE finger.
Rita: So, any other mishaps.
Rex: Well, the time I tried to live in the same cave with 345 agitated rattle snakes for a week didn’t go so well. But I DID learn about this thing called anti-venom.
Rita: You didn’t research that before the stunt?
Rex: Uh-NO, RITA (condescendingly) …..But that might have been a good idea.
Rita: (Agitated) Do you do any kind of planning before you do these things?
Rex: Of course I do, I called you didn’t I? I also got a flame retardant suit and a helmet.
Rita :( Rubbing her forehead, holding up coveralls and a helmet) - You mean these?
Rex: OH shoot, I guess I should wear them, Huh? (Laughing embarrassedly)
Rita: So the fact you are jumping out of a hot air balloon, on FIRE, directly over a crocodile farm that is between a fireworks stand and a gas station? Did you plan that?
Rex: No, that is just a coinkey-dinkey, but hey, it adds more DANGER to the stunt.
Rita: What about safety precautions? (Rex looks blankly) Firemen and ambulances, Rex, do you have them?
Rex: WEEELLLL, no, now that you mention it, I didn’t think about that, but tell you what… (holds up a bucket of water) I set my self on fire half way down. When you see smoke, pour this over the side.
Rita: And if I miss?
Rex: Start spitting.
Rita: You do realize that we are on live TV. Don’t you? And that over a million people are about to see you jump to your apparent death because you are an under prepared nit-wit.
Rex: What you call under prepared nincompoopery, I call looking death in the face and calling its mom fat.
Rita: What ever that means Rex. Are we ready?
Rex: Absolutely, I have God on my side and my adoring fan below, Hi BOB. (Steps over rail) O.k. here I go… (jumps yelling)
Rita: (holding up an end to the rope) HEY, SHOULD THIS BE ATTACHED TO SOME THING? Uh, never mind. Thanks for tuning in, I’m Rita Reason saying, have a great day.
© Copyright May Ryan, all rights reserved. The script may not be reproduced, translated or copied in any medium, including books, CDs and on the Internet, without written permission of the author.