Summary: This sketch is, unashamedly, a humorous take on the story of the three wise men, and the sketch does make a reference to the traditional biblical story of the three wise men towards the end. However, in all other regards, this is a fictitious, funny (hopefully) rendition of the story. The sketch was originally written for 3 girls within our church – hence the title. However, feel free to experiment with your casting.
Style: Light-hearted. Duration: 7-10min
Scripture: Loosely based on Matthew 2:1–12
Actors: 3F, 1M, +2V
The three wise women
2 x Extras
Notes: In the sketch, W1 is the leader of the group, the one with the brains. W2 and W3 are the comedic foils to W1 with W3 being extremely ditzy! The humour depends on timing between the 3 main actors.
*Manchester United is an English association football (soccer) team. Please replace with any team local to you that will get biggest laugh/groan!
(The sketch opens with W2 and W3 stage centre. W1 runs on and pushes in between them.)
W1 Good news! Good news!
W3 Is Manchester United* going to win the league?
W2 Duh - I’m afraid you’re confusing news with fantasy.
W1 I’ve been checking the stars! (points to the distant sky) There’s a definite alignment in the azimuth of Jupiter, following the decline of the Martian orbit and the zenith of Venus.
W2 & W3 Where? (peering off into the distance)
W1 The azimuth of Jupiter, following the decline of the Martian orbit and the zenith of Venus (tailing off). There, (she points) the big shiny thing (in a condescending voice).
W1 You know what that means!
W1 It’s obvious....
W1 It’s a new king. The biggest thing in centuries. We must go ……take gifts…..Gold, frankincense and myrrh! Go ! Go!
(They all run off stage and then return in order – timing important!)
W1 I’ve got some gold .... (shows to audience)
W2 I’ve got some frankincense....
(W3 runs on followed by an extra carrying a mirror – needs to be large enough for the audience to see what it is)
W3 And I’ve got a mirror! (brightly and gesturing towards the mirror)
W1 You fool, myrrh not mirror.
(W3 is sent off stage with the mirror)
W1 How that girl ever graduated from wise women school is beyond me.
(W3 returns with a small package representing myrrh)
W1 Right, let’s get packed. Remember, we travel light and fast. (Using a gesture for example, point up on light and a sweeping horizontal arm movement on fast.)
W2/W3 (echo) Light and fast. (mimic arm movement)
(They all leave stage like before and return in order. W1 returns first and holds out small bag, followed by W2 who does the same. W3 runs on with small bag but followed by two extras carrying large suitcases on their shoulders.)
W1 I said light.. (exasperatedly)
W2 You don’t need the cocktail dresses.
W1 You don’t need your make up!
(W3 can make whimpering noises as the cases leave the stage. )
W1 Right, let’s go!
W2 Do you know the way?
W1 Nope, but we have a GPS.
W3/W2 A GPS?
W1 Yup, a Global Positioning Star!
(Extra brings on star and proceeds in front of the three wise women.)
(The three wise women proceed around the venue with suitable music – we used an instrumental version of Is this the way to Amarillo. At random moments the music stops and so do the wise women.)
W2/W3 Are we there yet?
(This can be repeated a couple of times with W1 getting more and more exasperated.)
(They arrive in Jerusalem.)
W1 Jerusalem, at last! (with faux poshness) Now where would one find a king?
W2/W3 Hmm - Where would one find a king??
W2 Wearing a Onesie ?
W3 In a winter One-derland?
W2 Under a One-dering star?
W1 KNOCK - IT - OFF you two!
W3 One would presume in a palace??
(Move to the palace, knock on door or doorbell followed by creaking door sound effect.)
All 3 We’ve come to see the king!
Doorman Do you have an appointment?
W1 Well, no.
W2 We’ve come to see the baby.
W3 The new king!
Doorman (snootily) We-l -l-l, I’m sure His majesty will be hugely pleased to learn of a new king! Our dungeons are full of people looking to be a new king! (Menacingly) Are you looking to join them? Eh?
W1 (Tremulously) No. But the azimuth of Jupiter, the decline of the Martian orbit ....
W2 ... the zenith of Venus....
W3 .... the big shiny thing!
W1/W2/W3 It’s a new king!
Doorman Hmmmm, come to think of it, there were 3 blokes from the east here last week, packed them off to Bethlehem apparently. You could try there.
(Door closes leaving the 3 wise women in centre stage)
W1 (despairingly) I don’t believe it. I thought we had arrived! I thought we’d found the new king!
W2 They didn’t even offer us a cup of tea! How rude!
W1 Now we have to keep travelling ..... to Bethlehem .... (Wails) with you two!
W3 Our journey will continue because it is right that we should seek this king. A king for whom the stars shine to show the way, even the big shiny one. Many will set out on this journey, whether wise men, wise women, rich, poor, young or old. Some will make it and some will find the journey too difficult.
(W1 and W2 stare at W3 open mouthed)
W3 So, pull yourselves together and let us complete our journey. To find the king who has been promised to us. Let us diligently seek him.
W1 What .....?
W2 I didn’t know she knew such big words! Come on, let’s go.
W3 Come, let us seek the king, God with us – Immanuel.
(All leave stage)
© Copyright Alan McElreavey, all rights reserved. The script may not be reproduced, translated or copied in any medium, including books, CDs and on the Internet, without written permission of the author.