Summary: Two extra-terrestrials from a distant galaxy try to work out what Christmas really means.
Style: Light-hearted. Duration: 7min
Actors: 3 M/F
Scripture reference: Luke 2:6-14
Setting: The bridge of the flagship of the imperial space force – the commander sits at a table, with a bible open on it.
Characters: Narrator (can be voiced offstage); Commander; Agent 897.
Come with us to a galaxy far, far away where a spy is reporting to his boss back at base – on Star ship Gamma Sigma 409.
(eager) Agent 897 reporting, sir!
Excellent. As you know, every December on the little planet called Earth, we detect an unusual burst of economic activity, as well as lots of flashing coloured lights everywhere. Your mission was to investigate and find out the meaning of this. How was the journey back?
It took 25 light seconds sir.
That long? Was there some delay?
Yes sir – some turbulence near Andromeda 5.
Ah. Anyway – what did you find out about this winter frenzy of shopping and decorations and so on – what’s it all for??
It was very difficult to find out what was behind it, but I discovered that the Hu-mans of Earth have some very strange activities during December – for example …….
<IMPROV CHAT AND RESPONSES re Christmas activities, customs etc especially “a guy with a large stomach called, uh, Claus Santa I think”, reindeer and parties>
This is all very interesting but it’s getting us nowhere. I’ve been studying this Bibb-lay (holds up Bible) that I’ve downloaded from the galactic interweb. I found out from various interweb pages that it’s meant to contain all the background to human behaviour and belief – the meaning of life; good and evil; helping people; finding hope, peace and joy in a difficult world – it’s all meant to be in here. But nothing you have said matches up to it at all! There’s nothing about Claus Santa, or reindeer …... I’m really confused. For example, was there anything in these celebrations about a new baby sharing a shed with some farm animals?
I certainly saw something like that on a few of their cards, and in some dramas put on by some of the younger hu-mans in what looked like educational settings.
Anything about this baby being a king in disguise? Called Jesus Christ?
I did find out that they’ve called the time of year “Christ-mass”, which might be a clue? Although lots of them seem to want to hide this Christ and replace him with an X – you know “X-mas”.
Anything about this baby king growing up and doing and saying the most remarkable things? Anything about this Jesus being the son of the Creator God himself?
Sorry sir, nothing I could see from scanning my screens. I’m really sorry sir, maybe I should repeat the mission next December and look harder. I’m sure that Jesus is there somewhere in Christmas, if only I could find him.
Thanks for the offer agent 897, but I’ve got a feeling it’s not your problem – I think it might be theirs …
© Copyright Dougie Paton, all rights reserved. The script may not be reproduced, translated or copied in any medium, including books, CDs and on the Internet, without written permission of the author.