Summary: A late-night radio host fields a variety of comments from listeners about Christmas.
Style: Dramatic. Duration: 8min
Actors: 1M/F, + 5M/F (voice only)
Characters: Stan the Man (radio announcer), Ted, Steve, Narelle, Bill, Molly.
Setting: On stage there is a chair and table with a microphone attached to look like a radio studio. There are a number of objects on the table, eg, coffee mug, plunger, snacks, stress balls, pen, etc. Using these objects gives a good reason for the radio announcer to look down – where the script is stuck to the table.
(Stan the Man comes onto the stage yawning. He pours himself some coffee before speaking into the microphone.)
STM: Welcome to “Night-time Chat” here on Radio JCN. You’re with Stan the Man and I’m ready to chat with all you late night workers, insomniacs and … well, I can’t think of anyone else who’d be listening at 3.00am.
A lot of people refer to Christmas Season as the silly season. You know, that time of year when your favourite TV shows have finished and all that’s left are reruns of shows you didn’t like the first time round. The silly season. Why don’t you give me a call and tell me what you think is silly about this time of year. Speaking of silly, you can also tell me what you’re doing up at this hour.
We have our first caller. (Presses imaginary button.) Hello, you’re on the air.
Molly: Hi Stan. Tough break losing the drive time show. (STM nods in agreement) I think some things about Christmas really are silly. Christmas is supposed to be a time of goodwill, but have you seen the shops at Christmas? It’s like a war zone out there! All those stressed out parents yelling at their kids, and grumpy sales assistants. It’s nuts! And, I’m awake listening to your radio show because my feet are killing me and I can’t sleep.
STM: Yeah. Malls can be enemy territory at this time of year, but why did you stay long enough to get sore feet? I’m usually out of the shops as quickly as my legs will carry me.
Molly: (In a more serious tone) When there’s shopping to be done, Stan, I need to focus, and go for it, no matter how long it takes or how many obstacles are in the way. I’m like a machine!
STM: (Sarcastically) Can’t imagine why the shops seem like a war zone. (Presses imaginary button again) Hello, you’re on the air.
Bill: Hello, Stan. It’s Bill here, working the night shift. I think the silliest thing about Christmas is spending money you can’t afford, on people you don’t like, buying presents they don’t need. I mean, spending money on relatives you only see once a year is too much.
STM: But isn’t Christmas a time for giving?
Bill: Maybe. I’m just sick of Christmas being a time for blowing out the credit card. It takes months to get over it.
STM: (Nods in agreement) We have our next caller. (Presses button). Go ahead, you’re on the air.
Narelle: Hi Stan. I think the silliest thing about Christmas is people like your last caller. So focused on money instead of getting into the spirit of things. I just love buying gifts, and decorations, and food, and new outfits and jewellery for all the parties … but it seems to bring out the worst in my husband. He just doesn’t have the spirit of Christmas at all. “Money doesn’t grow on trees”, “I’ll have to sell a kidney to repay the credit card”. He’s a real Scrooge. I just think I should be free to spread the Christmas spirit wherever I can – no matter what the cost.
STM: We’ll that’s very, um, festive of you. You might also enjoy listening to our daytime program “Couples in crisis”. We have another caller (presses button). You’re on the air.
Steve: Hey, Stan. I’m listening to you in my taxi while I wait for customers. I think the silliest thing about Christmas is the way they introduce non-Christmas characters into the Christmas story. The other day I saw a huge model of Homer Simpson as Santa Claus.
STM: Homer Simpson! Are you serious?
Steve: Yeah, I’ve also seen Bugs Bunny as Santa. It’s ridiculous.
STM: I have to agree with you there. I don’t know how many movies I’ve seen where people “save” Christmas who have nothing to do with Christmas. You know, they venture to the North Pole, find things in crisis and somehow save the day so Santa is able to get his presents to all the children.
Steve: I really think we should keep the original characters and the traditional stories instead of always inventing new twists. Before you know it, we won’t remember what Christmas is about at all. The reindeer, elves, and Santa won’t even be part of the story.
STM: Mmm. I hear what you’re saying. I’ve seen funky Santas, and wild surfer Santas. I’ve even seen skinny Santas. You’re right. If we’re not careful our children won’t even celebrate the real Christmas story. (Presses the button again) You’re on the air.
Ted: I agree with your last caller about not inventing new twists to the original story of Christmas. God came down to earth from Heaven and was born in a stable because there was no room for him in the hotels. He came to bring hope and peace for all those who would receive him. It’s a wonderful celebration. We don’t need to change a thing. The only silly thing about Christmas is people forgetting what it’s all about.
STM: I don’t think it’s really appropriate to talk about religion.
Ted: I’m not talking about religion. I’m talking about Christmas. God gave us the greatest gift of all when he sent His son to the world. Stan, that really is something to get excited about.
STM: So, why do we have elves, flying reindeer, the jolly old guy, drunken parties and presents we can’t afford if Christmas is about God coming to earth.
Ted: That’s a very good question, Stan. Maybe that’s what you should be asking your listeners.
© Copyright Lynette Morgan, all rights reserved. The script may not be reproduced, translated or copied in any medium, including books, CDs and on the Internet, without written permission of the author.