Style: Lighthearted. Duration: 4min
Actors: 1M, 1VO
Props: The appearance of a car (table/desk(ideally with board at front with headlights/radiator grille etc). Steering wheel (such as available for computer games?). Mobile telephone. Placard saying “Some time later…” Note – navigation system terminology may require tailoring to local style. Roundabout, for example, may be traffic circle.
Driver of car (D)
Satellite Navigation System (S)
Scene: D is seated in car and is on the telephone.
S should be out of sight and remain off-stage, so we just hear his/her voice.
D: [On phone] Yes, I’m on my way… Yes, I’ll be fine – been there before - and I’ve got one of these brilliant navigation systems fitted in the car now. I’ve plugged in the address and all that. Have you got a satnav?......... They’re really good - you can always check whether you’re heading in the right direction. I need never go the wrong way again………….No, no, you really should try it – makes all the difference………..Oh, well – suit yourself. Look, I must get going - I’ll see you shortly. Bye. [Hangs up]
[Mimes getting underway - puts car into gear, takes wheel, pulling out etc]
Some people just won’t listen when you try to help them. [Puts on a silly, whining voice] “Ooh, I’ve always managed perfectly well on my own.” “Well, I’m very happy for you that you’ve got your satnav to guide you, but it’s really not my type of thing”. Huh!
S: Please turn left in 100 metres
D: [Continuing, oblivious to satnav] I mean it’s not as if it’s expensive, and there’s all sorts of clever stuff on this one.
S: Now turn left.
D: (Still oblivious) Oo - almost time for the news, if I can find the station – must figure out how this radio works. [Looks down at radio]
S: Please turn left in 200 metres.
D: [Still ignoring satnav] Nice to be on the way out after that busy day. And I’ve still got that report to finish off tomorrow morning. And then that boring counselling conference. Hmmph- never stops.
S: Now turn left.
D: [Suddenly registers satnav, looks at it sharply, and turns head to left as turning passes]
Oops, missed it. Never mind. Actually I don’t want to go that way anyway – too many speed bumps – sorry [exaggerated] “traffic calming devices”. I’ll stick to my usual route – safer that way. Ooh, headlines [focuses on radio]
S: Prepare to keep left and follow the A249.
D: [Again oblivious of satnav] Mmm, best to go right here at this time of day, I reckon. Avoid those roadworks. [Mime turning right, whistles gently] Ooo - football results – forgot that was on. [reaches to turn up radio]
S: Take the third exit at the roundabout.
D: [Continuing] Yessss! Come on you reds! Two-nil. C’mon!. Right, straight across the roundabout, down that one way bit and almost there……….(somewhat doubtful) if I remember rightly.
D: [picks up ‘phone, crooks between head and shoulder] Hello? …. Oh, hello….. yeah, I’m in the car. [indignant] No - I am NOT lost as usual.
S: Please do a U-turn if possible.
D: [Ignoring satnav] Yeah, got one of these satnav things. I mean they’re very reliable - although it’s a bit simplistic at times…… like I don’t think that they know where there’s a traffic jam or roadworks or whatever – so you can sort of monitor what it’s telling you but you have to take account of all the practical issues.
S: Please turn right in 100 metres.
D: [Continuing] Look, anyway, can’t speak now – busy, busy and all that. I’ll call you later. OK – bye. [Puts ‘phone down] Right, now where are we? [looks around].
S Now turn right.
D: Wha..? [Turns head to right as the turning passes] Right? I wish these things would give you more notice. Never mind – I’ve never gone that way before anyway. I think I’d rather stick with going this way… [pedantically, to satnav] if you don’t mind. Really isn’t very clear, this machine. Maybe I should just use it as a backup in case I ever get really lost. Otherwise just seems a bit of a distraction. Hang on. This doesn’t look right. Oh dear. I’m sure this was the way.
D: [Stops car. Leans over to squint at satnav] Come on then, clever clogs, what do I do now? [reads] “Recalculating route” What does that mean?? Oh, come on, I’m late already – haven’t got time to sit around waiting for you all day. I need the answer NOW. [Reads] “Please wait”? This is hopeless. Too slow! Right, I’m pretty sure it’s down here. [Pulls off] I mean, honestly, what’s the point in having navigation if it can’t give instant answers. Yes, I think this is the way…..[sees long traffic hold-up, taken aback] Ah, obviously been an accident. Maybe I should have turned right back there after all. Hey, maybe these things do know where’s there’s hold-ups! That would be clever.
S: Please do a U-turn if possible.
D: [Addresses satnav angrily] Look, there’s no need to rub it in. If you’ll just let me concentrate I can get on with it without you butting in all the time. [Pompously] I have, after all, been driving quite happily by myself for quite a number of years, you know. In fact, I’ll just turn you off for a bit if you don’t mind.
S: Suit yourself.
D: [Look of astonishment] Must be going mad. Right – now back this way, left up there…..and I’m sure I can muddle through.
[Stage hand passes across front of scene carrying placard which reads “Some time later”]
D: [Mimes arriving at destination (into neutral, handbrake etc)]
Phew. Finally made it. [Looks at watch] Hmm, a bit late…(self congratulatory) but I made it in the end. [Gets out of car. Shuts door. Walks around rear of car in a wide loop, then approaches the front of stage. Stands and clears throat] Well, hello everybody. Sorry I’m a bit late – trouble on the roads. Still, it’s a great pleasure for me to join you again for your evening worship, and to speak to you on the very important of subject of taking time out to listen for God’s voice…..[look of dawning realisation]…not just necessarily following our usual path….[looking somewhat sheepish, very slowly].. and, er, of seeking, um, God’s direction.
S Please do a u-turn if possible.
© Copyright Ian Wishart, all rights reserved. The script may not be reproduced, translated or copied in any medium, including books, CDs and on the Internet, without written permission of the author.