Summary: Despite all Biblical exhortations to love one another, be of the same mind, be tolerant of each other, esteem others as greater than oneself, there is still a lack of unity amongst Christians, and sometimes as a result of the most inconsequential things. The texture of the bread used in Communion, the colour of the toilet doors, and the replacement of some backache-inducing chairs given 30 years previously as a legacy: All these have contributed to arguments within churches in my limited experience alone! Here is a story of two ladies. They would like to be friends, but really they have so little in common. No chance of unity here, I’m afraid, not much basic Christianity either! Keywords: Unity, Body of Christ, denominationalism
Style: Lighthearted Duration: 5min
Mrs. Elsie Hart
Mrs Hart comes in from a trip to the shops, puts down her groceries and sits down, tired.
She remembers:- ‘Oh yes, I must ring that number!’ (She fumbles around in her pockets and handbag until she finds it, and dials the number, humming the latest ‘unity’ chorus whilst waiting for a reply).
Oh hello, is that Miss Amelia Foot? Oh, good! My name’s Mrs Hart, I found your number on the notice-board at the Christian bookshop. I believe you’ve just moved into the area, and you’re looking for Christian fellowship with a lady of about the same age… Well, I’m wondering if we could perhaps – get together. I’m about your age, thought most people say I look much younger… Oh, don’t they? (Smirks a little) Well, never mind, God made us all different…
Tell me Miss Foot, are you a Christian?? Fine, fine, err, what sort of Christian are you? I mean, are you a Protestant or err, a Catholic? Yes, yes, great… and what kind of Protestant are you? Well, you know, liberal, that’s NON-Bible-believing, or evangelical, that’s Bible-believing! Oh, super, yes, yes…
So tell me, Miss Foot, when you say Bible-believing, do you mean really Bible-believing? … I mean Charismatic, Spirit-filled, or just evangelical? … Oh, yes! … Oh, really? Fantastic! And by Charismatic do you mean house-church, renewal, restoration? Free Church? Independent? Ooooooh! So you’re a renewed charismatic evangelical Protestant Christian! Terrific! Splendid! Absolutely glorious! Praise the Lord!
And what Bible do you use? the Holy one?... Oh, I see, ha, ha, ha, ha! No, I mean Authorised Version? Revised Standard Version? American Revised Standard Version? Living Bible? Good News Bible? JB Phillips or the New International Version? Oh, of course! Quite right, too! So do I! The only inspired and accurate version! (She is getting very excited)…
Miss Foot, Amelia, you must tell me! Which Bible-week do you go to? You know, Royal week? Kingdom Faith? Spring Harvest? New Wine? Green Belt? Keswick? Oooooh, that one! (Face falls with disappointment) Oooooh, Miss Foot, that’s such a pity! Just when I thought we were like minded! Never mind. I expect someone else will have taken your number.
Must put the shopping away now, a woman’s work is never done, so I’ll not keep you talking! Bye-bye, now! (Replaces receiver, discards paper with telephone number on it, shrugs and exits with shopping, muttering ‘Heretic’).
© Copyright Susan Walton, all rights reserved. The script may not be reproduced, translated or copied in any medium, including books, CDs and on the Internet, without written permission of the author.