Summary: The story of Jonah, done in light-hearted fashion
Style: Light-hearted. Duration: 12min (?)
Actors: 2M, 12-16 M/F
Characters
Jonah
Ticket Agent
Ship's Captain
About 6 sailors
About 6 Ninevites
Fish, Tree, Worm.
(Apart from Jonah, actors can play multiple roles.)
STAGE SET-UP, PROPS AND COSTUMES
Travel ticket booth: a small, portable table and chair.
Boat: a lightweight wooden beam of about 2 meters which is manipulated by two sailors, like a seesaw, signifying a ship on a stormy sea. Jonah and the sailors stand behind the beam.
Tree: an umbrella decorated with fabric leaves.
Worm: Any appropriate costume or elements depicting a worm.
Big Fish: sheet-like big piece of material draped around shoulders and arms. Or whatever.
Ninevites: big black plastic garbage bags.
Script
Ticket Office
(Jonah stands in front of the ticket booth. The ticket agent sits behind the desk.)
JONAH
Please give me a one-way ticket to Barcelona.
TICKET AGENT
Hablas Espanol?
JONAH
Huh?
TICKET AGENT
I said, do you speak Spanish?
JONAH
Obviously not.
TICKET AGENT
(Looks at Jonah curiously)
You're going to see FC Barcelona play?
JONAH
(Repeating his request) Please give me a one-way ticket to Barcelona.
TICKET AGENT
You should have booked online, it's cheaper.
JONAH
(Starting to get annoyed)
All I want...
TICKET AGENT
(Interrupts Jonah)
Now I know where I saw you! My friend from church WhatsApped me a picture of an Evangelical preacher - you! But he said you are going to Nineveh?
JONAH
Listen Dude: I am going to Barcelona!
(To himself)
I should have booked online.
TICKET AGENT
I don't blame you. Who wants to go to Iraq anyway.
(The agent gives Jonah a ticket.)
Bon voyage!
(Snickering)
That's French for...
JONAH
I know what it means.
TICKET AGENT
Remember to take some motion sickness tablets!
JONAH
(Aside)
This is not going to turn out well...
(Jonah walks off stage right. The agent picks up the table and walks off stage left.)
SHIP
(About 6 sailors going up and down in boat on big waves - two of them moving the wooden beam up and down. The sailors' bodies sway from one side to the other in synch with the ship's movements, while throwing things overboard and praying. Jonah lies sleeping in one side of the boat.)
CAPTAIN
(To Jonah)
Wake up! This ship is going to sink!
SAILOR 1
Let's draw matches to see who is causing this trouble!
(The captain takes out a coin from his pocket. The sailors and Jonah stand in line, and the captain flips the coin for every sailor. They alternate in saying heads and tails, all of them right. When it is Jonah's turn, the captain flips the coin, but instead of calling head or tails, Jonah confesses.)
JONAH
OK, OK, calm down. I'm the culprit. You can throw me overboard.
SAILOR 1
(Apologetic)
Sorry man, we don't know what else to do.
SAILOR 2
Hope you can swim Dude.
SAILOR 3
We'll call the coast guard right away, they might pick you up.
SAILOR 4
Take some motion sickness tablets, this sea is rough!
CAPTAIN
Shalom aleichem. That means...
JONAH
Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm a Hebrew.
(The sailors take Jonah and push him overboard. The ship and sailors move off stage.)
Under the Sea
(Jonah makes swimming movements. A big fish with graceful, loosely flowing robes approaches, and ends up in front of Jonah, hiding him from the audience's sight.)
JONAH
(Voice only - use echo chamber effect if possible)
In my distress o Lord I called to you, and you answered me. From deep in the world of the dead I cried for help and you heard me. I will sing praises to you, and do what I have promised.
FISH
OK, out you go!
(Jonah shoots out from behind the fish. The fish glides away. Jonah reaches the shore, falling down dramatically, grasping for air.)
TICKET OFFICE
(The ticket booth and agent come onto the stage, setting up right in front of where Jonah is laying. Jonah gets up.)
JONAH
Please give me a return coach ticket to Nineveh.
TICKET AGENT
In Iraq?
JONAH
That's the one.
TICKET AGENT
Return?
JONAH
That's what I said.
TICKET AGENT
(Looks at Jonah, pauses before talking)
I think I should mention that if you did not like Spain, Iraq really sucks.
JONAH
I am well aware of that. I'm going for work, not leisure.
TICKET AGENT
Ever thought of changing jobs?
JONAH
(Irritated)
As a matter of fact, I have, but it did not work out. Now, can I please have a return bus ticket to Nineveh!
TICKET AGENT
It is quite a bit more expensive because you didn't book it online...
JONAH
I should have stayed in the fish.
TICKET AGENT
(The agent stares at him incomprehensibly for a moment, then gives him a ticket).
Have a good trip. By the way there's no real fishing opportunities in Nineveh, just a whole city full of villains and criminals. And there also are some real bad people...
(Jonah walks off stage, the ticket agent picks up the table and walks off in the opposite direction.)
NINEVEH
(Jonah walks in the city for a time in circles, left to right and back etc., to give the impression of a day's journey by foot. Some people criss-cross the stage behind and in front of him, creating the impression of a lot of people. At some point Jonah stands still and clears his throat. The people suddenly stop to listen to him.)
JONAH
(Loudly)
In forty days Nineveh will be destroyed!
(Everything is dead quiet. The stunned people just look at Jonah, waiting for the rest of the 'sermon'. Nothing. One woman decides to speak.)
NINEVITE 1
(Very hesitant)
That's it?
JONAH
(Jonah holds up four fingers. Mockingly:)
Forty.
(Pause)
Now go away.
(The Ninevites exit. Jonah sits down on the ground and makes himself comfortable. A tree walks onto the stage, goes to stand behind Jonah, and opens an umbrella (decorated with leaves) and holds it above him.)
JONAH
Cool!
TREE
Yes, that's my purpose here.
JONAH
Thanks.
(The city's people enter stage one by one. They are wearing black plastic garbage bags.)
JONAH
Hey, what is this? What are you doing?!
NINEVITE 1
We're wearing black garbage bags.
JONAH
(Angry)
I can see you are wearing plastic bags! Why are you doing it?
NINEVITE 2
It is to show God that we are sorry for what we have done.
NINEVITE 3
We are villains and criminals...
JONAH
(Jonah stands up, and the tree keeps the umbrella above his head.)
...yes, and then there are some real bad people, I know!
NINEVITE 4
We thought that if we stop doing all these bad things, God would take pity on us and spare us and our city.
JONAH)
(Really upset)
Of course he will! I should have stayed in the fish. Now, all of you go home and get rid of these ridiculous black plastic garbage bags!
NINEVITE 1
We're not going to do that. Anyway, it's the king's orders.
NINEVITE 2
Sorry, we must go now.
NINEVITE 3
Yes, we are going to pray. To YOUR God no less.
NINEVITE 4
Bye!
(The Ninevites exit the stage. Jonah sits still for a short while, then looks at the city in astonishment, then looks up at the sky.)
JONAH (VERY ANGRY)
What is this God??! You're not going to destroy them! I knew it! I knew you are merciful and you
wouldn't destroy them! That is why I fled in the first place. Now let me just die!
TREE
Chill, Bro.
JONAH
You stay out of this! You are a tree!
(Jonah sits down again. A worm walks onto the stage.)
JONAH
What are you doing here?
WORM
I'm a worm, and I...
JONAH
I can see you are a worm.
WORM
I was sent here to take away the tree. The tree which does not belong to you, by the way.
(Worm turns to Tree.)
Let's go.
WORM AND TREE
See ya!
(Tree closes the umbrella and starts to exit with Worm.)
JONAH
I do not believe this!
(Tree and Worm turn around, facing Jonah.)
WORM
What right have you got to be angry about the tree?
JONAH
I have every right!
TREE
I wasn't here when you got here. You didn't plant me. You didn't make it grow, but now that I am leaving, you feel sorry for yourself.
JONAH
Yes I do!
WORM
You are sorry about a tree, but you think that God is not allowed to feel pity for thousands of people and save them and their children.
TREE
Maybe you do not know God that well. Maybe you had the wrong idea about God all along. [Pause]. Maybe, Jonah, God's mercy is far bigger than you think, and his love and grace are greater than you can comprehend. Maybe you should think about that.
(Worm and Tree exit.)
JONAH
Maybe...
..................................................................
(c) Copyright Jacob de Bruyn. You are free to perform the play for non-commercial purposes. Please let me know and provide some details when you are using it.