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Summary: This sketch was written to be performed at a wedding reception of some friends, so some of the jokes are specific to them. It is however an idea that can be adapted for your own use. Other brides could be revisited and learnt from!  Keywords: Wedding, marriage
Style: Light-hearted.  Duration: 7min
Actors: 2F

 


Characters: Two waitresses, Mavis and Gert

 

Script

(Enter Mavis and Gert carrying trays and dishcloths, and looking around to make sure they are not observed.)

Mavis: Shall we sneak in here for five minutes?

Gert:  Ooooh yes, I must put my feet up for a bit!

Mavis: Ooh, he works you to death, he does! ‘The lady on table Six is a vegetarian, Table Seven has spilt the water and wants a clean table cloth, and don’t forget the bride’s father is allergic to strawberries’!

Mavis: Oh I know! Doesn’t he drive you mad? (removes shoes) That’s better.

Gert :  Is that today’s paper?

Mavis: Let’s have a look at the wedding page, I always like looking at the happy couples.

Gert: Ah, yes, let’s see...Ah...Oooooh...Just a minute, I think I know some of these...isn’t that it IS! It’s Adam and Eve!

Mavis: Oh yes, don’t they look happy?

Gert: What does it say? ‘Adam and Eve were married in a quiet ceremony in the Garden of Eden. No guests were at the reception, so the bride and groom could eat anything they wanted from the garden@... Oh, they wouldn’t have needed us, then!... ‘except the fruit from the Tree of Life’.

Mavis: ‘Ere, Gert, what’s she got on? ( peering closely at the photograph)

Together: Oooooh

Gert: All right if you’ve got the weather, I’s pose...Mavis?

Mavis: Yes, gert.

Gert: If there was nobody at the reception, who took this photograph?

Mavis: (thinks)... Oh, I expect they had one of those automatic cameras.

Gert: Oh yeah, oh, look! What’s that hanging down from that tree? Looks like someone's washing!

Mavis: Let’s have a look! (Pause) Put your glasses on, Gert, it’s a snake!

Gert: Eeeeuuurgh, I don’t like them! They’d better watch out, it looks like it’s going to come right between them!

Mavis: That’s right, Gert and it just goes to show...

Gert: What?

Mavis: Every married couple should beware of that particular snake! He’ll lie and deceive, and break them up if he can.

Gert: True! Now, who’s this couple, they look familiar?

Mavis: I know, it’s Jacob and Rachel! What does it say? (reads with difficulty) ‘The sun shone on the wedding of Jacob and Rachel, which took place in the village of Paddan-Aram... isn’t that just outside our local town? ‘The bride was given away by her father. Also present at the wedding was Jacob’s other wife, Leah’?

Gert: ‘Ere, that’s a bit strange, isn’t it? I wouldn’t like to share my husband with anyone else. It took me three years to get him to put some shelves up in the bathroom, just think how long it would take if there were two of us waiting to get things done!

Mavis: Do you know, Jacob had to wait fourteen years for Rachel!

Gert: No!

Mavis: Yes! Her Dad said if he wanted to marry her, he’d have to work for him for seven years! So he did! And it seemed like just a few days to him, he loved her so much!

Gert: (reaching for her handkerchief) Oh, isn’t that nice? So romantic (dab’s eyes) Hey, just a minute! I thought you said fourteen years!

Mavis: Well, when he woke up, the next morning after the wedding, instead of finding Rachel next to him, he found her elder sister, Leah! And she was, well to put it politely, not much of a catch! Or as they say today, cosmetically challenged!

Gert: Must have been an awful shock!... Mavis? How come he didn’t realise before morning?

Mavis: Well, I don’t know, do I? I wasn’t invited to the wedding, I only get invited to help with the cattering! But, by all accounts, it was SOME party, that’s all I can say! Anyway, he had to wait another seven years for Rachel.

Gert: (sobs into hanky) Oooh hoo hoo hoo, I so like a good love story, they make me so happy.

Mavis: Yes, but it just goes to show, Gert.

Gert: What?

Mavis:  Make sure it’s the right one BEFORE you get married!

Gert:  Who’s the next one, let’s read it. ‘Boaz, a rich landowner from Bethlehem, today married a young widow, Ruth, a penniless refugee from Moab’.....Oh, it’s just like Mills and Boon!  (sobs again) ‘All the members of the Town council attended the ceremony, and the whole town turned out, to help make the couple’s Big Day.’

Mavis:  It was Naomi, you know, Ruth’s mother-in-law, who brought them together. She was related to Boaz, on her late husband’s side, and she could recognise a good catch if she saw one!  She and Ruth didn’t have two shekels to rub together, so she sent Ruth out into the fields that belonged to Boaz, to pick up scraps of wheat. And when Boaz saw her, it was love at first sight! But he wasn’t sure she felt the same way.

Gert:   Aaaaaah!

Mavis :  So he arranged for the farm hands to drop handfuls of wheat on purpose for her. When Ruth showed Naomi all she had collected, she knew what Boaz was up to, all right! So she got Ruth to dress up in her best frock, get her hair done, and put on some scent. And she told her to go to the threshing-floor after harvest, and while he was asleep to lie down at his feet.

Gert:   Oooooh, Mavis!

Mavis:  Oh, it’s all right, all above board, Gert, in Bethlehem that’s like saying ‘I’m yours, forever’

Gert:  Oh! (sobs again)

Mavis:  So it’s nice to know they got married, and it just goes to show, Gert.....

Gert :  What?

Mavis:  Some couples need a bit of a helping hand in getting together! (looks at paper) Now, who’s this next couple? You read it, Gert.

Gert : ‘Joseph, a carpenter of Nazareth, married Mary of the same village in a quiet ceremony’........ ’Ere, I heard about them. Ada Bickerstaffe saw them out shopping the other day, and SHE’s about six months gone! (pursing lips disapprovingly)

Mavis:  Who? Ada Bickerstaffe?

Gert: No, that Mary.

Mavis: Oh! No it’s not like that at all! Joseph knew she was expecting, and he wanted to call off the wedding, he was so upset, but an angel came to him in a dream, and told him to go ahead with it, that the Child is special. He’s a miracle, he’s the Son of God! I don’t suppose you heard that bit, did you?

Gert:  No, I didn’t. Sounds a bit far-fetched, to me!

Mavis:  Well, I think Joseph’s done a very noble thing in marrying Mary, and time will only tell what will come of it, and it just goes to show...

Gert:   What?

Mavis: ...that there’ll always be people like you, ready to believe the worst. And another thing. You’ve got to stick to what angels tell you, never mind what people say.

Gert: (huffily) Well, I don’t mean to cause offence, I’m sure!

Mavis:   Well, read the next one out, then!

Gert: I don’t think I know these people. Can’t bring their names to mind...’The happy couple nearly had a disaster at the wedding reception, when due to unforeseen circumstances, the wine ran out’ Oh, I’m glad it’s not happened here! Guess who’d be running around like a headless chicken!....’The desperate situation was overturned by Jesus, a guest at the wedding, who instructed the caterers to serve up the water used for washing feet!  Eeeeuuuurgh! Mavis!

Mavis:  Carry on!

Gert: ...’When poured into the cups, the foot-washing water changed into the best vintage wine ever tasted’. Ooooh, Mavis! Hey....I wonder if it was Chateau Lafitte? (raucous laughter) ‘The reception continued for two more days’. I bet it did, though I hope this one doesn’t last that long! I don’t think me FEET would stand it!

Mavis: Well, it just goes to show, Gert.

Gert: What?

Mavis: When a couple give to Jesus what they have, even when it seems like nothing much, He can change it into more than they ever dreamed possible!

Gert: Oh, Mavis! (she sobs again)

Mavis: Come on, Gert, get a grip! We’d better go otherwise he’ll be after us for the washing up! Coming  Mr. Cook. Just coming! (exeunt)

....................................................................................

© Copyright Sue Walton, all rights reserved. The script may not be reproduced, translated or copied in any medium, including books, CDs and on the Internet, without written permission of the author.
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