Footy

By Dean Herring

Summary

Blood, Sweat, Liniment and Church Unity. (Note for American readers: "Footy" is a New Zealand and Australian slang term for Rugby Football. Substitute your own football code.)

Characters

Narrator/Photographer,
Ted,
Fred,
Ed,
Ned,
Jed.

Script

NAR. (sets up team for team photo, then begins narration) There was once a team. A footy team. They played every Saturday and practised every Tuesday, sometimes. They weren't very good, but they managed to beat Lyttelton once, and Belfast, twice if you count the try that Fred scored but the ref didn't see! Fred scored half of the team's tries that season, two. Now, the captain of the team was Ted, who was very good friends with Ned...

TED. ...but I'm not so sure about Fred.

NED. I think scoring those two tries might just have gone to his head!

NAR. Ed and Jed thought….

ED/JED. Maybe you're right, it's true

TED. I just don't think having an ego that big is on in our team do you?

NAR. So Fred left the team, heading for pastures more green, to score tries in the corner with bliss, but looking through names for this season's games, he appears to have given footy a miss!......Back at the team, sick of hearing Ted scream...

TED. ...TOO SLOPPY, TOO CLUMSY, TOO SLOW!!!...

NAR. ...Ed mentioned to Ned, who mentioned to Jed...

JED. ...He's really a bossy so and so...

NED. ...He expects us to jump just when he says jump...

ED. ...and expects us to run like the clappers...

NED. ...and at after-match functions, down at the club he jabbers and jabbers and jabbers!

NAR. ...So Ted left them sorely, headed for higher things surely, but alas he is gone, viewing footy more poorly....At practice on Tuesday, Ned to Ed had a grumble...

NED. ...Did you notice that fumble...

NAR. ...He said...

NED. ...Jed's getting quite careless...

ED. ...Yes, I think it would be best if we gave old Jed a rest!

NAR. So Jed had a rest for a year or two and never played footy again. Even watching the All Blacks playing the 'Roos (…or for Australians…Even watching the Origin, the Reds 'V' the Blues…), would set poor Jed in a stew.

...Back at the team animosity grows...

ED. ...His attitudes starting to get right up my nose!

NED. ...He thinks he's the greatest...

ED. ...He thinks he's so smart...

NED/ED (Together)...But really he doesn't come up to the mark!

NAR. So Ed and Ned went their separate ways, the end had come to their playing days...Through back-biting, fighting, skiting, the team had dwindled done to none. I wonder really just whose fault it was, the enemy won by default?!

..................................

Copyright Dean Herring 1991, all rights reserved. This script may be used without royalty payment, provided no charge is made for entry to the performance. In return for free use, the author would like to be told of any performance. He may be contacted at deansim1@optusnet.com.au