Stolen Property

By Rob & Christina Wilson

Summary

 The Holy Spirit (in his persona of Counsellor) offers help to a young man having difficulty with a habit of stealing.

Scripture

"Thou shalt not steal"

Characters

Holy Spirit
Jason (a young man)

Script

 

(Scene: An office of sorts. To one side a desk, with a nameplate saying "H. Spirit" on it. Behind it sits a relaxed Holy Spirit, quietly perusing some papers. On the other side of the stage is an entrance with a device front of it like an airport metal detector, or perhaps the kind of anti-theft device used in shops and libraries. Enter Jason, through the detector, looking slightly overawed.)

Jason:
(nervously, obviously thinks he's done something wrong) Ah, you wanted to see me?

HS:
(Looks up from paperwork with a smile) Yes, Jason, I did.
(Holds out hand to shake. Jason goes to shake his hand and sees his own. It is presumably dirty because he wipes it on the side of his leg before presenting it to shake. HS indicates a chair for Jason to sit down on)

HS:
I just wanted to have a quick word with you , see how you're going, that sort of thing. I know you're a new Christian so I thought I'd give you a bit of a check up maybe fine tune your Christian life a bit.

Jason:
(relieved) Oh, right, Okay.

HS:
So let's see, how do you think things are going?

Jason:
(Thinks for a bit - he still really wants to get out) Oh... pretty good you know...um.

HS:
No problems at all?

Jason:
No I can't really think of anything. Except maybe... Well... the er swearing thing... I've been trying not to, but it's damn hard to break the habit.

HS:
(friendly, smiles at Jason) I can imagine it is, that's okay I can help with that.

Jason:
(Grateful surprise) You can?

HS:
Yeah it's kind of part of the deal. You try - I help. Team work you know.

Jason:
Thanks... Phew, glad I got that off my chest.

HS:
It's always a relief when we're honest about these things. Is there anything else you would like to discuss with me?

Jason:
(obviously nervous) No. I mean yes. I mean - well, I suppose there is something else.

HS:
Well spill it, I'm here to help.

Jason:
Well I haven't always been completely honest with people. It's only little things but.... (anguished plea) How can I tell auntie Ethyl I fed her pet iguana creosote. (Gestures with alternate hands as he speaks) Iguana food. Creosote. They look the same! (tortured sigh) ...I told her it's just hibernating. Well I can hardly tell her it's dead and covered in so much varnish you could hammer nails in with it.

HS:
Yes, I can certainly see your problem, and while it may sometimes be difficult not to lie it's important to appreciate that truth is eternal... (aside) whereas varnish only lasts for so long.

Jason:
Yeah.. You're right, of course. I guess I was just putting it off. I guess honesty really is the best policy

HS:
I'm glad you understand. It's good to see you making progress, Jason. Before you go, is there perhaps, anything else you might like to discuss with me?

Jason:
I can't think of anything.

HS:
(Definitely fishing for something specific) Nothing at all?

Jason:
No, nothing I can think of. (A little uncomfortable) No, nothing. I suppose that's it then. Thanks for your help. Bye. (HS watches with relaxed interest as Jason gets up to go. He gets as far as the metal detector, and then pandemonium breaks loose. A Klaxon, bells or siren goes off, and red lights flash. After a couple of seconds of this, everything returns to normal to reveal HS, in a relaxed pose, reading a file in a manila folder, and Jason cowering behind a chair). What... was... that? (Stunned).

HS:
(Looks up as though nothing had happened) What? Oh, yes - that. Actually, we recently had that installed to help people just like you. It's our new Stolen Goods detector.

Jason:
(Indignant) Are you accusing me of stealing stuff?.

HS:
Yes, actually I am. (Slightly resigned) I'm afraid you can fool yourself easily enough - that's just human nature - but there's not much that gets past me. You do appear to have quite an ongoing issue with taking things that don't belong to you.

Jason:
That's ridiculous!

HS:
Well, let's see what you've got in your pocket that set the detector off.

Jason:
I'm telling you right now your machine is wrong - I'm not carrying a single thing that's stolen. (A pause, in which Jason becomes increasingly uncomfortable as HS watches him patiently). But - all right - I'll show you what I'm carrying anyway, just to prove it. (Jason produces a wallet from his pocket and hands it to HS, who looks it over) My wallet. (Announced matter-of-factly).

HS:
Your wallet?

Jason:
That's right.

HS:
But the name in here says Michael Winters, whereas I believe that yours is Jason Winters.

Jason:
Yeah, that's my brother - I'm sort of borrowing it.

HS:
"Sort of" borrowing? Does he know that you're - "sort of" - borrowing it?

Jason:
Yes. Well, sort of. Well - not exactly - no.

HS:
Hmmm. And you're just "sort of" borrowing all the money in here too?

Jason:
(defensively) I'm going to pay him back!

HS:
What else do you have there?

Jason:
(Produces a walkman) Well, there's this.

HS:
And who does it belong to?

Jason:
Me, of course - I found it.

HS:
Yes, of course you did. Have you ever thought much about the fact that, when you found it, it wasn't lost?

Jason:
Well, I guess you could say I'm just looking after it. If I ever see the guy again, I'll give it back, really.

HS:
I sincerely hope you will, Jason. Perhaps we could speed this whole process up if you would just show me everything that you've "Borrowed" or "Found" or that you're just "Looking After" for someone, hmmm?

Jason:
(With a shrug, Jason proceeds to empty his pockets and person of a copious quantity of goods, most of it in some way ridiculous for him to be carrying. He names each item matter-of-factly as he produces it. When a small pile has accumulated on HS's desk, he stops). There, that's everything.

HS:
Are you willing to admit now that most of these items are stolen?

Jason:
(Struggling) I, um, well... (In a rush of relief) Yes, I suppose they are, really. I - I didn't really mean to steal them. I just sort of - I just did. It's a kind of habit really, I don't even want most of this stuff. I just can't break the habit.

HS:
(Gently) Would you like me to help you with this?

Jason:
I don't know. I suppose I need to stop. (Makes the decision) Yes, I Will stop! (to HS) Thanks! You've shown me what I need to do. Thanks for helping, bye! (goes to leave through detector, as he steps though it klaxons, alarms, lights etc go off. Jason endures this with a grimace and hands over ears. Proceeds to take off his shirt and toss it over the chair) I forgot about that - I guess it really still belongs to Mr Sergio's. (Goes over to HS's desk and sits on the edge with a shrug) I guess this is going to be more complicated than I thought. (At some point here, Jason should put HS's nameplate in his pocket unnoticed.)

HS:
You're right that it won't be easy. But like I said, I'm here to help you just as soon as you're willing for help.

Jason:
Thanks, I appreciate that. I think I need a while to think this over though. I'll be in touch. (Once again Jason heads though the detector, once again it goes off noisily while HS waits patiently).

HS:
I think you've got something of mine? (Sheepishly, Jason returns the nameplate). Thank you. Are you still thinking that you can deal with this problem by yourself?

Jason:
Maybe not. I just - it's a compulsive thing I just can't help myself.

HS:
I know, but if you're willing to let me, I can help you.

Jason:
Really?

HS:
Really.

Jason:
You'd do that for me?

HS:
That's what I'm here for. Now, you'd better get going - I think you'll agree you've got some situations that you need to put right.

Jason:
(Takes HS by both hands and pumps vigorously) Thank you, thank you. I'll go and make a start. Thank you, bye! (turns and walks to detector, pauses and looks at it thoughtfully for a couple of seconds, shrugs, and turns back to HS who has been waiting, and gives back his wristwatch, liberated during the handshake. HS gives him an approving nod. Jason walks confidently through the detector, and on reaching the other side, lets out a triumphant "Yes!" .)

 

 

© Rob & Christina Wilson 1998

All rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged.
In exchange for free performance, the authors would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed.

They may be contacted at: rob_wilson@xtra.co.nz