Eternity Inn

By Walt Scheiman


Mr Kite has just entered the Eternity inn, looking for a place to stay. Two types of rooms are offered. It is Mr Kite's choice which room he will take to spend the night.


Pablo: Extremely happy and chipper hotel desk clerk at the Eternity Inn.
Sam Kite: Customer wanting to check into the hotel.
(Both characters played over-the-top.)


(Mr Kite enters the reception lobby of the Eternity Inn carrying a suitcase. He looks around and then rings the bell on the counter. Pablo pops up from behind the counter.)

P: (extremely chipper) Good evening and welcome to the Eternity Inn, where every night feels like an eternity. How can I help you?

K: (startled) Ah, yes . . .(looking at name badge on desk clerk) Pablo, right.

P: That's right! Welcome to the Eternity Inn, where every night feels like an eternity!

K: (confused as to Pablo's chipperness) Right, do you have any vacancies?

P: Of course we have vacancies. We always have room for one more here at the Eternity Inn, where every night feels like an eternity.

K: Why do you keep saying that.

P: Saying what?

K: That Eternity Inn thing.

P: Oh, you mean the Eternity Inn, where every night . . .

K: (interrupting) Yeah, that. Stop it will you?

P: (still very happy) Yes sir. Whatever you want, sir. You are the boss, sir. I am here to serve you . . .

K: STOP IT! (Pablo stops and just smiles) You are a very happy person, aren't you Pablo?

P: Does it show?

K: Yes, unfortunately. Listen all I want is a room. Could I please just get a room.

P: Right you are, sir. (Turns registration book around and hands him a pen) If you would just like to sign right there on line 40. (He signs, Pablo turns book back around, reading book) Very well, Mr Kite. Now all you have to do is decide just what kind of room you want. We have two basic models.

K: And they are?

P: First there is the Paradise Suite. 28 rooms of complete total luxury.

K: 28 rooms?

P: That's right 28! 9 bedrooms, 14 bathrooms, after all it wouldn't be paradise if you had to wait for a bathroom, one den, a game room, kitchen, living room and a chapel.

K: (stunned) Wow!

P: The walls are made of Jasper and are crystal clear. You can see out but no one on the inside can see in. Each door is made of pearl and floors are made of pure gold. Oh, and there is a hot tub.

K: I can't believe this.

P: Oh, believe it. It's quite real. Then there is the room service. Nothing but the best! Any time day or night, night or day.

K: I must say it sounds great.

P: Great? Why sir, it's Paradise!

K: Incredible! But you said that you have two types of rooms available. I can't wait to hear about the other.

P: Ah, yes the other. Well, that would be the Slime Pit.

K: The Slime Pit? That doesn't sound very nice.

P: Oh, no sir, it's awful.

K: Awful?

P: Yes sir, putrid.

K: How many rooms does it have?

P: One, a pit.

K: What comes with it?

P: Slime.

K: That's it?

P: Oh no, there's more.

K: I would hope so!

P: Yes sir, you also get pain, agony and suffering.

K: (in shock) Pain, agony, suffering . . .

P: Did I mention that it tends to get a little warm too?

K: Warm?

P: Well, hot, I guess.

K: Hot?

P: O.K. you've caught me. It's fire.


P: Yep, fire. It's not really very pleasant.

K: No, I wouldn't think so. Tell me do you really have people choose the slime pit?

P: (not happy at this question) Yes sir, unfortunately.

K: I'll bet it's because of the cost.

P: (happy again) Oh no sir. They both would cost you the same.

K: (unbelieving) The same.

P: Yes sir the same.

K: How could they both cost the same?

P: I didn't say that they cost the same. I said they both cost you the same. See, the Paradise Suite has been already paid for. Bought and paid for, just for you.

K: By who?

P: Please sir, you know.

K: Yeah, I guess I do. But there must be a catch?

P: Well . . .

K: I knew it was too good to be true.

P: There is one thing you do have to do.

K: Come on spit it out.

P: You have to admit that you do not deserve such a room and acknowledge that the only way you can get into the room is by the price that He paid for you.

K: That's it.

P: Not quite. Then you have to thank Him and promise, from this day on, to live your life in a way that He would be proud of. That's it.

K: Why would anyone go to the Slime Pit?

P: Pride, stubborn, stupid… who knows.

K: I'll take the Paradise Suite.

P: Thought you might. Here's your key. Have a great day.

K: Thanks Pablo. Thanks for everything.

P: Don't thank me, thank Him.

K: (starts to leave) Don't worry, I will. (person walks in carrying a suitcase. Kite stops him) Trust me, take the Paradise Suite.

Man: What? (continues to desk)

P--Goooood morning, welcome to the Eternity Inn, where one night can be an eternity. (lights black-out)


© Copyright 3/98, Walt Scheiman, all rights reserved.
This script may be used without royalty payment, provided no charge is made for admission to the performance. In return the author would like to be told of any performance. He may be contacted at