Financial Independence (The Infomercial) Glenn A. Hascall

By Glenn A. Hascall


A script based on Proverbs 28:20. An infomercial is being played live to introduce a new way to gain financial independence. Charlotte Young visits with guest Highly Successful and we learn more than we wanted from Highly.


CARD HOLDER (No spoken words with this part)


Proverbs 28:20 - The trustworthy will get a rich reward. But the person who wants to get rich quick will only get into trouble.


ANNOUNCER: The following is a paid presentation of Unrighteous Mammon Incorporated.

CHARLOTTE: Hello everyone welcome to the Charlotte Young Show. Today we have a special guest in the studio with us - please help me welcome Mr. Highly Successful.

(Raise sign for applause)

HIGHLY: Thank you. Thank you so much for making me feel so welcome.

CHARLOTTE: We've had a lot of guests on our show, Mr. Highly Successful.

HIGHLY: Please. Call me Highly.

CHARLOTTE: Tell me (Pause and smile) Highly, how do you do it?

HIGHLY: You mean the success?

(Raise applause sign)

CHARLOTTE: We all want to know. It seems so easy for you.

HIGHLY: You know Charlotte, I learned very early the value of a dollar. We didn't have much growing up.

CHARLOTTE: It must have been horrible.

HIGHLY: (Seems emotional) It's hard to talk about now, but I had to wear hand me downs on a couple of occasions, my grandma gave me a haircut once and, in high school, I had to drive a used sports car.

(Hold up "Oooooohhhh" sign)

CHARLOTTE: I'm not sure how you made it, Highly.

HIGHLY: My friends had brand new cars to destroy and I had to settle for a two year old vehicle that had been driven by person or persons unknown to me and my family. It was just horrible.

CHARLOTTE: But you persevered and you're here today to help others on the road to success.

HIGHLY: That's right, Charlotte.

(Hold up applause sign)

HIGHLY: You see I've come up with a plan that has enabled others the opportunity to make hundreds of thousands of dollars by doing practically nothing.

(Hold up "Oooooooohhhh" sign)

CHARLOTTE: That sounds fascinating, Highly.

HIGHLY: I'd like the audience to hear from someone who actually is living the dream, Charlotte.

(Hold up Applause sign)

CHARLOTTE: Alright then, let's bring out Highly Successful's good friend, Filthy Lucre. (Filthy walks onto stage) Welcome Filthy.

FILTHY: Call me Mr. Lucre.

CHARLOTTE: All right then, Mr. Lucre. How has your life been changed by Highly's method of success.

FILTHY: Oh, it's great! I just make a few calls in my spare time and the money just starts rolling in. You see Highly's methods are time tested and take into account the needs of the common man. Almost every person I talk to about the plan are sold lock, stock and barrel.

CHARLOTTE: So what is the plan?

(Hold up applause sign)

FILTHY: You see, all you have to…

HIGHLY: (Nervously interrupts) Now, now - let's not let the cat out of the bag, Filthy.

FILTHY: I'm sorry - I just get so excited about the plan - I just can't help but be willing to share it with others.

CHARLOTTE: So are we going to learn more about the Highly Successful method of financial independence?

HIGHLY: You know Charlotte, the information I have to share is so significant and life altering that it really can only be shared with those willing to take the positive steps to success and financial independence.

FILTHY: (Pulls out a bunch of play money from a board game) Like me.

(Hold up "Ooooooohhh" sign)

HIGHLY: All your audience needs to do is to call this toll number 555-I-WANNA-BE-RICH-SUCCESSFUL-AND-HANDSOM-LIKE-HIGHLY.

CHARLOTTE: Can you repeat that once more for the audience?

HIGHLY: I would, Charlotte but the mind's not what it used to be (Fake chuckle - then ultra serious) But seriously, Charlotte. Don't you have dreams? Aren't there things that you want to buy? Aren't there old high school friends you'd like to impress? My method can help you achieve that and it can all start today.

(Hold up applause sign)

CHARLOTTE: (Emotional) I usually don't break down like this - but what Highly is talking about is changed lives - altered destinies - a future without financial worries. I think we have a testimonial ready to go - (Look behind the audience) Henry, could you roll the clip?

(The action continues on the stage while the testimonial is supposed to be running. Filthy walks off stage.Charlotte and Highly drop their hyped up delivery.)

HIGHLY: Are we off camera?

CHARLOTTE: (Shrugs as she checks out her make-up)

HIGHLY: (Less friendly - picks up a cell phone and places a call) Yeah Jerry, how are the calls coming in…. good….how many? (Low whistle). Yeah, we'll keep working it from our end, you just make sure those phones are answered quickly, understood? All right. (Ends phone call)

CHARLOTTE: (This part is acted as if not on camera) So, what exactly are you selling with this infomercial, Stanley?

HIGHLY: A couple of months ago it was inflatable dog leashes and then yo-yo's on a stick. This one is the best gimmick I've ever come up with, Betty.

CHARLOTTE: What exactly are people buying.

HIGHLY: (Chuckles) Nothing - that's the beauty of it, Betty. They send me $29.95 and I send them a five page newsletter telling them that they can make money by sending the same newsletter to anyone willing to send them $29.95. If they get even one person to pay up then they get their money back.

CHARLOTTE: That's horrible.

HIGHLY: Not by my bank account. I've already sent out over 100,000 newsletters and, let's face it, people are making money. They know of people who would never buy from me, but they might from a trusted friend.

CHARLOTTE: How long before people turn on you and you're back to driving that 60's piece of junk?

HIGHLY: Oh, I'm not going back this time, Betty. People are gullible for the quick buck concept of financial independence.

CHARLOTTE: (Looks out at the cameraman) Say, Larry, how much time is left before we're back live?

LARRY: Uh, I didn't want to disturb you, but the clip wasn't ready to go, Charlotte or Betty or whoever you are. So you're still live and in living color.

(Hold up "Ooooooohhhh" sign to the horrified look on the faces of CHARLOTTE and HIGHLY).

ANNOUNCER: The preceding was a paid presentation of Unrighteous Mammon Incorporated - a subsidiary of Ill Gotten Gain Enterprises.

Fade to black


Copyright 2004 by Glenn A. Hascall Should you use this script would you be so kind as to let us know of its use? glenn.hascall<a>