The Thanksgiving Turkey is Out There

By Christin Kuck


Mulder is convinced that the thanksgiving turkey reveals another case of alien invasion.


Props: Pilgrim statues, Thanksgiving card
Costumes: Scully and Mulder are wearing trench coats


(Scene opens with the sounds of a televised football game. Scully and Mulder enter stage cautiously, looking over shoulders.)

Scully: Mulder, why are we here?

Mulder: (Walks over to the table) We're too late.

Scully: What do you mean?

Mulder: Look at the turkey carcase, Scully.

Scully: The turkey carcase?

Mulder: Another sacrifice.

Scully: Huh?

Mulder: This turkey. Can't you see what they did to this turkey?

Scully: They cooked it.

Mulder: Exactly. And then they picked it to the bone. (Points to people on the couch) And look at these people. I think they've been drugged.

Scully: They've been drugged? How?

Mulder: (Sniffs Turkey carcass) There must have been enough tryptophan in this turkey to take down a two-ton elephant.

Scully: Tryptophan... Mulder, tryptophan occurs naturally in turkey. That's why you feel sleepy after you've eaten it.

Mulder: Exactly. Look, they gorged themselves, Scully. They fed without remorse.

Scully: They ate dinner!

Mulder: Yes! The mashed potatoes and gravy. The stuffing. Oh no! Pumpkin pie! The Horror! They didn't stand a chance!

Scully: Are you crazy?

Mulder: (Grabs Pilgrim Statues) I think these have something to do with it.

Scully: What are you talking about?

Mulder: Every time I've investigated one of these scenes, I've found these statues. I think they represent aliens. Don't they look strange to you? I think they're getting ready for a mass invasion. That's why these poor people have been drugged.

Scully: Wait a minute, Mulder. Are you talking about the Pilgrims?

Mulder: You've heard of them?

Scully: These weren't invading aliens. They were from England.

Mulder: Oh no! How horrible!

Scully: Mulder!

Mulder: Listen to me, Scully. We're all being lulled into believing a lie. It's a government conspiracy.

Scully: It's a government holiday. Haven't you heard of Thanksgiving?

Mulder: Thanksgiving...

Scully: Yeah! If you hadn't dragged me half way across the country on this wild goose chase, I'd be celebrating at my mom's house with my own stuffed turkey!

Mulder: Oh no. Don't tell me they've gotten to you, too.

Scully: Gotten to me... Man, you need a vacation.

Mulder: No! You've got to listen to me, or you'll end up like one of them. (points to couch)

Scully: Mulder, these people are thanking God for all he's provided them. Haven't you ever heard of Thanksgiving? Where did your parents keep you when you were growing up? In a closet?

Mulder: I don't want to talk about that.

Scully: (Picks up Thanksgiving card from end table and reads) God bless you as you celebrate all the Lord has given you this year. Aunt Bertha and Uncle Joey.

Mulder: Aunt Bertha... Uncle Joey... Oh these poor people. The whole world is in on it. Don't you see?

Scully: They're thanking God. Thanksgiving. Get it! The Pilgrims came to this country for religious freedom. The native Americans helped them to survive the first year, and so they held a great big feast to THANK GOD. GET IT!

Mulder: God?

Scully: Yes!

Mulder: Are you sure?

Scully: Come on. Let's get out of here before these people wake up and have us arrested for trespassing.

Mulder: Thanksgiving?

Scully: I think I know of a good diner where I can introduce you to some cranberry sauce, and the story of Thanksgiving.


© Copyright Christin J. Kuck 2000. All rights reserved.
This script may not be altered without permission from the copyright holder. This script may be freely copied and distributed, providing it is done so in its entirety. This copyright notice and the performance license information must be reproduced on all copies of the script.

No performance is permitted unless a copy of the script is licensed to at least one member of the cast OR licensed to the drama group, theatre company or organization performing the sketch. License can be obtained by forwarding a check made out to Christin Kuck in the amount of $5.00 US to 13341 86th Avenue, Seminole, FL 33776. An original licensed hard copy will be mailed upon receipt of check. Christin Kuck can be reached by email at