Worldwide Flood: The Untold Story

By Glenn A. Hascall


A humorous monologue telling the story of the flood from the perspective of Noah - who wasn't at all sure he was up to the task.


Noah PROPS: Appropriate costume - other props as desired.


NOAH: So you think you've got problems, oy you haven't seen nothink I am thinkink.

So, you work on a farm or in the city, nu? Let me tell you somethink. In the yard of my home - the very yard I swung my boys like a great big whirly think - I was visited by God Himself.

"So," He says, "I want you should be buildink Me an ark." Nu, I have said it wrong, He was much more beautifully speachified than that, but it tells the story, nu?

So I build an ark. It's this big - by this big - and it has to made from 'that' special tree and I got to use pitch. Oy, easier said than done - the cuttink, the shavink, the hammerink, the smashink of the thumb.

So one hundred years later I am sittink with my boys havink some refreshment when these bears come up to me and point their thumb toward the boat, "Sure," I say, "live it up!" and off they go inside the boat. You'd almost think they owned the think.

So then more animals come traipsink up to me and follow each other into the ark. It's a regular zoo. I'm tellink you. A menagerie of animals each findink their own little place to call home.

So the day comes when I am to be tellink the people once more that it will rain - water will fall from the sky - they will be swimink with no place to rest. They laugh like I am tellink them some kind of Rabbi joke. I am not, I tell you, but they are laughink like the hyena's skulkink inside.

So I give them another chance and they continue to act as if I am some sort of stand-up comedian. My wife and sons and daughters-in-law walk up the ramp and then God closes the door - which is very good considerink I'm no longer a young man. Oy that would have been a hard think to do - if only someone only knew what a chiropractor was.

So the rain is starts fallink like it is water beink poured into a bowl. The people are yellink and screamink and I want to open the door but it will not budge. Soon the ark is rocking back and forth like a mother holding her babies. The rain keeps fallink for days. I stopped countink - it's a good think Shem kept track - forty days of rain! The crashink of thunder the bright bolts of lighnink - OY!

So one day it stops - but is the rockink of the boat done - NO - we keep rollink back and forth like a sick baby in his mother's arms. I send birds to see if there is land - the answer is always 'no' until the olive branch - later the bird never even bothered to come back.

So about a year after our three hour tour began, my family docked our ark on a mountain and everybody comes out and looks on land unfamiliar and new. The animals jump and frisk about like it's spring time. I don't really blame them - the smell inside - oy!

So then, what do you know, a rainbow sits nicely in the sky - one half of a circle showink such pretty colors - and God, He's makink us a promise - no more floodink of the world in such a way like this.

So we sacrifice and we tell God how thankful we are to be alive. Suddenly I don't mind the hundred years it took to build the boat - God used it to save us. Although I will say I was happy to leave it behind - almost pulled a muscle dancink. Hooray God!

So, I wonder if God will ever send another ark to carry the willink. No, I don't think there will ever be a flood like the one we just lived through, but someday I am thinkink that there will be others who will need a savink vessel and then they will need to decide if they will be rescued or not. They will have a choice, but most will likely laugh and poke fun and they will not live to see the savink power of the Ark.

So be thinkink about the Ark - because I am certain you will need to be makink your own choice soon.

So what's your choice already?

Fade to black


Copyright 2004 by Glenn A. Hascall, all rights reserved.
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