By Jeremy Moodey
Many things have been said about Jesus over the years. Who do you
think He is?
One actor, playing all the parts
(The sketch opens with the theme tune to ‘Question Time’ (downloadable
from www.themez.co.uk) or some other well-known TV chat show. An
announcer bounds onto the stage as the music fades.)
Announcer: Hello and welcome to Question Time. Tonight, we have
just one question from our studio audience, and that is: “Who do you think
Jesus is?” On our Panel tonight we have some faces that are well
known, and some that are not. So let’s go to our first guest, and
ask them: “Who do you think Jesus is?”
(The actor fetches a relevant prop from the side (eg Gandhi glasses
for Lennon, a smoking pipe for Russell, a mop for Madge etc), returns to
centre stage and freezes. As he does so, the relevant name appears
on the overhead projector.)
OHP: John Lennon - musician
Lennon: I believe in God, but not as one thing, not as an old man in
the sky. I believe that what people call God is something in all of us.
I believe that what Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha and all the rest said
was right. It's just that the translations have gone wrong. Anyway,
we're more popular than Jesus now; I don’t know which will go first; rock
'n' roll or Christianity.
OHP: Donald Morgan – American atheist
Morgan: Jesus' last words on the cross, "My God, my God, why hast thou
forsaken me?" hardly seem like the words of a man who planned it that way.
It doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to figure there is something wrong here.
OHP: Bertrand Russell – philosopher
Russell: Historically, it is quite doubtful whether Christ ever existed
at all, and if He did we do not know anything about Him...
OHP: Fred Snodgrass – Colney Hatch Lane Tescos (supermarket customer)
Snodgrass: Basically, I 'fink Jesus was a good bloke. I mean,
he dun all 'em miracles, din'e? Looked after the poor an' 'ungry
an all that. A bit like Bob Geldorf I s'pose. Yeah, a
bit like Bob Geldorf. (Pause) Although Jesus was prob'ly a
better singer. 'Ere, you couldn’t 'elp me with my Lottery numbers,
OHP: Billy Bragg – British pop singer
Bragg: I’m a real believer in Jesus. He was a great communicator of
what later became socialist ideals. Take the story of the Good Samaritan
… I can often see what Jesus was getting at much easier than I can wrap
my mind round Marx and Engels. He was such a human person.
OHP Madge Higginbottom – office cleaner
Madge: Oh yeah, I mean I love Jesus. I mean I love Christmas!
We always go to church on Christmas. Singin' all 'em lovely carols.
And seein' that lovely little baby, lying in the manger. Oh bless!
OHP: Earle Jones – another American atheist
Jones: The Romans killed Jesus on the cross, right? His death on the
cross saved us from our sins. Therefore, shouldn’t we worship the Romans?
OHP: Kevin Horrocks, aged 15½
Horrocks: Er, I haven’t got to Jesus in my RS (Religious Studies
course) yet. We done Confucius last term and he was an alright
sort of bloke. We're doing Buddha right now, and he's a pretty decent
fella an' all. But Jesus? Sorry mate.
OHP: Mandy, Brian’s mother in “The Life of Brian” (a British satirical
Mandy: He's not the Messiah, he's just a very naughty boy! Now go away!
(The announcer returns)
Announcer: Er, thank you Brian’s mother. Now let’s throw the
question open to the floor. You sir in the back row, “Who do you
think Jesus is?” Yes, you sir. (Music starts) Oh dear,
we’ve run out of time. We’ll have to continue this in next week's
show, when we’re at Milton Keynes town hall. Good night! (Exits -
the theme music plays to fade-out.)
© Jeremy Moodey 2004, all rights reserved.
This drama may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies
are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged. In
exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified
of when and for what purpose the play is performed.
Contact Jeremy at j_moodey<at>hotmail.com